I hate progress

Today I switched my Blogger account.

Such a simple statement, such a simple action. But trust me, a lot of effort has gone into trying to avoid this moment.

There are a couple of group blogs I'm a member of, most notably the Fanfic Blog, and they have not switched yet. Therefore I had the intention to stay "old school" until the moment they upgraded. However, I had not foreseen the powers of persuasion that Blogger can excercise. Very powerful indeed.

Today I tried to post a blog. I don't even remember on which site. However, upon logging in, I was notified that I have not switched yet. I know this. However, where there had previously been an option to continue with the old account, was none to be found.

I had to switch, or I wouldn't be able to blog.

Power of persuasion. Or forced decisions? Either way, I decided my blog was more important that Blogger politics. I switched. I don't know if I made the right decision, but at least I'm able to blog again. Over here. Not on the old group blogs.

I hate progress.

Scratch that, I hate forced progress. Change can be good, but may occasionally be bad for the changed. I don't know whether this will be good or bad. I say, let's find out.

No turning back now. You have passed the point of no return. It's all or nothing. You're in for the ride, for better or worse.

Here goes nothing.

Dragon business, back to your drinks...

It's a hard life, being a dragon on the internet. I know you don't believe me, but it is.

I mean, it's so hard to keep your own identity between all those competitors. Have you ever tried googling "dragon"? Trust me, I won't be on any of the first 700 pages.

There's too much competition on the web. How is a simple dragon, trying to make his way on the net, to get the attention he craves? It's dragon overdose, I tell you.

Plus all my friends get slain by knights in shiny armour. Don't you hate it when that happens? And they never even bury the bones; I mean, that's just gross. And they call themselves civilized. Yeah, sure.

The only good part about this job is the treasure. And you know it, not all treasure is silver and gold. The maidens in distress - that's my true motivation right there. Long flowing strands of golden hair, with a face like an angel, and a voice that goes "eeeeeeh" when you even look at them. Life's good when you've got maidens. Just too bad they keep trying to escape when you're taking a nap. Perhaps it's time to contact that evil stepmother again, to place some more curses so I have to "guard" those lovely ladies in that remote fortress. Well, last time didn't end so great, so I might have to think twice.

And scaring horses is always funny. Just too bad their owners keep on sending those slayers. I hate dragon slayers. If there's one thing I hate more than kids thinking they can ride on my back...

Last of all, I'm having a very hard time typing the words right with these massive claws. It takes hours just completing a sentence without accidentally typing "jessljkjklsdjkdf".

The hidden tortures of being a dragon on the internet in the year 2007. Please love me more now. I'll not eat you, no matter what they say. Just small bites every now and then.

How To Become A Goth In 10 Easy Steps

To become that icon of style, that rolemodel of vampires and corpses alike, follow these ten simple rules and you'll live the rest of your undead life as a certified goth!

Step 1: Dye your hair. Black. Other colours, like red, white or green, take many years of experience and must never be combined with anything other than black clothes (see step 2). Highlights are acceptable if the colours are not too flashy.

Step 2: Change your wardrobe. Black is your new middle name. Colour must be avoided at all costs, with the exception of dark red. White is only acceptable if it makes up less than 5% of your total look. Anything that would be fitting for a Romanticistic noble(wo)man, if black, is acceptable. Combine this with anything from modern S&M, like chains on your trousers or handcuffs connected to a collar.

Step 3: Change your record collection. Throw out the Beach Boys, the Spice Girls, the Beasty Boys, and everything else that has "boys" or "girls" in it. Anything that is remotely cheerful has got to go. Instead, buy Cradle of Filth, Evanescence, Marilyn Manson and Bad Religion. Anything that has a weird name, looks weird, sounds like someone clearing their throat and which your parents will never ever accept in the living room.

Step 4: Throw your morals out the window, too. Being a goth means you're a slut (male/female). Consider it your only chance at getting laid looking like that.

Step 5: Paint your nails. Yes, this goes for guys too - in fact, you're lucky, since this is probably the only subculture to accept it besides the local transvestites. Black is again the colour to choose.

Step 6: Paint your face. As surprising as it may be, it'll not be black, but white. Imagine you've been indoors without seeing the sun for a very very long time - which is probably true.

Step 7: Additional makeup includes eyelashes (black), dyed eyebrows (black), and lipstick (black - or, if you're a real pro, red). This is not mandatory for guys, but encouraged. Dark eyes are compulsary, though. Coloured contact lenses are optional for both male and female.

Step 8: Get pierced. You know, those pieces of metal through skin - they go into every part of you that one can imagine. And I know you can imagine quite many places. Yes, including that and those. At the very least, have a ring in your nose or eyebrow - preferably both, connected by a silvery chain. But know that there is no such thing as "too many piercings". And yes, people will find out (see step 4).

Step 9: Act like you're high on cannabis - which is probably true. This means you criticize and complain about everything (particularly physical exercise), sit around all day doing nothing, and talk at great length about next to nothing.

And finally, step 10: You talk, think, sing, act and write about only one thing: death. It is the sole topic of conversation. Celebrate it, adore it, worship it, fear it, overcome it - your life evolves around death. And the best thing is that you even look like it.

You are now a certified goth!

But don't cheer - goths don't cheer.


***
P.S. I did write a serious piece on goths, located here.

Power to the people

Fundamentally, governments exist to serve and protect their people. The basis of democratic government is that people choose some men and women from their midst to make decisions, so that these can be made quickly and pragmatically. In this way, governments, or rather their members, are elected because they stand for what the people want. That's what we call "democracy".

It is not democratic, however, for a government to stay in office when a majority is against it. A change in policy would be, but you can't expect a conservative to work on progressive policies, so the most logical thing to do would be to withdraw and organize new elections. And not to hide behind some bureaucratic rules about "ending your term", just because some other government at some other time thought that would be the responsible thing to do.

A referendum must be created, that can force a government to step down.

However, the trouble doesn't end there. These new elections - the ultimate democratic process, say you? A puppet show, says I.

How much of either party's points of view do you know and remember from the last election in your country? In any country? And how much have you heard about how good/bad/reliable/unreliable any candidate is? And, be honest, have you considered voting for someone that is not the pretty posterboy/girl?

Look deeper. Think for yourself. Take charge.

Viva la revolución!

Up for a challenge?

May I please point your attention this way, to the event of the year, the ultimate clash of the titans?

Or not.

But please, if you are interested, and I'm guessing you are, you might be interested in the Fanfiction Challenge 2007 over on Fanfic For Bloggers. I'll be both the host and one of the competing writers. If you have a work to contribute and you're not (yet) a member, contact me and I'll see what I can do. And if you're not a writer, you can at least have a good time reading all the other stuff.

Trust me, it's gonna be good. Like chocolate, but better.

On my voicemail the other day...

Goth the life

Somehow I've managed to not talk about one of my other fascinations. That is shocking to me, since it's possibly an even bigger obsession than Star Wars and blogging together. I know, it's that bad.

I've always been a fan of fantasy and the line between reality and makebelieve is one I find very interesting indeed. And as macabre as it may sound, the role death plays in that.

Sounds creepy? I bet. But I've always been fascinated by so-called "gothic novels" and the gothic subculture.

And vampires.

Vampires and the goth lifestyle are often associated, for obvious reasons. Goth wear black clothes, often oldfashioned style, dye their hair black and pale their faces. The resemblance to an undead corpse isn't that farfetched.

However, both vampires and goths are often misinterpreted. When talking about vampires, people quickly start to talk about stakes, garlic and full moons. Full moons? That's werewolves for you. Their ancient enemy. But vampires are fascinating. I once did an essay on them, and discovered that although cultures around the world have their own sort of vampires - just like dragons - they are all just a bit different.

So what defines a vampire?

Is it being a walking corpse? Nah, some cultures believe in vampires that have nonhuman origins, or no origin in life at all. Is it the human appearance? Nah, some believe in vampires made of flames. Is it the seducing aspect? Nah, some vampires are just plain gross. Kind of like zombies.

Is it the blooddrinking? There are some creatures that do not drink blood, yet they are most definately vampires.

So what defines a vampire?

And what defines a goth?

Goth, in my opinion, is misinterpreted by many people, even goths. Does that sound ridiculous? I'm sure. But please realize just how many people just try to fit in, even in such small and remarkable groups. However, misunderstanding is more common amongst those who are not gothics.

I once had a conversation with a religious woman who had read about goths, yet she never had encountered any. She was appalled, yet fascinated. Of course the article, in a christian magazine, was not too objective, and often reminded readers that some goths deny god, or are satanists. And I explained, that the essence of goth is not that.

Goth, in essence, is a philosophical view of life, in which death is acknowledged as the ultimate certainty. Every being is subject to death, human and animal alike, and also angels, demons and gods. Goths are not religious by that view, since they do not see any god or devil as mightier than death. Satanists are not gothics.

However, the misunderstanding stems from that view of death. Many people think gothics are fascinated by death, yet the opposite is true. In accepting the finality of death, gothics take more pleasure in life.

Gothics enjoy life on a more conscious level than most of us.

I know there are people that call themselves goths and disagree with this. But in essence, this is what gothic is all about. Misunderstanding comes from too few explanations from the gothic subculture, but also because people don't bother to look under the eerie surface.

I would call myself gothic if it wasn't for the fact that I don't wear makeup. I do like dark medieval-looking clothes, and I love the silvery jewelry with pentacles and such. I am not fascinated by death, yet I am fascinated by vampires. The nightstalking undead, caught between their previous lives and the death they cannot reach. The ultimate exception to the ultimate truth.

Please don't look down on goths ever again.

Booze and boobs

So I was thinking, like, seriously... I uhm... This thought... Did you ever... Let's talk about... no...

Oh, screw the text. I just needed an excuse to post this picture. Lovely ladies. With beer. What more could a guy want?

Yes, except food. But Germans have very good food.













Yes, right there. Big pints of lager.

Iraq policy

I'll let other people do the talking.

"The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he's made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he's planning to make the same mistakes again."
Jay Leno

"Bush is going to send more troops to Iraq. That's the solution. And I was thinking, you think he'd being doing this if he were still in the National Guard."
David Letterman

"People who watched the speech said President Bush looked uncomfortable. And I was thinking, of course -- he was in a library surrounded by books."
David Letterman

"After hearing the president's speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush's deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, 'Huh?'"
Conan O'Brien

"President Bush also said that all the military commanders who have looked at his plan say it will work. That's because all the ones who said it wouldn't work aren't military commanders anymore."
Jay Leno

"Ted Kennedy attacked the president. He said Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. Which is very unfair. There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam."
Jay Leno

"President Bush is now calling for sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq. How does he come up with that number? I don't even think 21,000 people in the country think it's a good idea."
Jay Leno

A question for intellectuals

So, there's this one particular question that has come up in a conversation I had a while ago. While it is most certainly meant for intelligent people, I've decided to let you guys and gals know, too. Don't ask me why. So... on to the question.


You're driving a car, at a constant speed, with on your left side an abyss.

To the right of you, a car from the fire brigade is driving at the same constant speed and appears to want to pass you.

In front of you, a huge pig, even bigger than your car, is running at the same constant speed.

Behind you flies a helicopter, just above the ground, at again the same constant speed.

The question is this: how can you stop without causing any accident?

Please, think about it.

Then click here.

This is your life

And you open the door and step inside. We're inside our hearts. Now imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light. That's right - your pain, the pain itself, is a white ball of healing light.

I don't think so.

This is your life - good to the last drop. It doesn't get any better than this. This is your life - and it's ending, one minute at a time. This isn't a seminar. This isn't a weekend retreat. Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. Nothing is static. Everything is appalling. Everything is falling apart. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life. This is your life. Doesn't get any better than this. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life! This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost heap. We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world.

You are not your bank account. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your grande latte. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fuckin' khaki's.

You have to give up. You have to give up. You have to realize that someday you will die - until you know that, you are useless.

I say: let me never be complete. I say: may I never be content. I say: deliver me from Swedish furniture. I say: deliver me from clever arts. I say: deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth. I say: you have to give up. I say: evolve, and let the chips fall where they may. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life! This is your life. Doesn't get any better than this. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life - this is your life. And it - and it's ending. One minute at a time. You have to give up. You have to give up.

I want you to hit me - as hard as you can. I want you to hit me as hard as you can!

Welcome to Fight Club. If this is your first night - you have to fight.

Dead of night

In dead of night
you're such a sight.
Undress just right,
red hot delight.


And then, of course,
you're on all fours.
I shove with force.
You're mine; I'm yours.

You're right: quite tight.
My head grows light.
You bite, I fight,
your thighs ignite.

At once I spurt.
Ask if you're hurt;
you have not heard.
I re-insert.

The dark days after the holidays

It's all over now.

No more Christmas for several months. New year has come, and the celebrations have died down. Not even a holiday in the near future to look forward to.

The dark days after the holidays, that's what we're in right now. The partying has ended, the days grow longer again, winter is still upon us, and nothing worth celebrating coming soon.

Dark days, and cold.

Personally, if I had the chance to decide when the holidays would be, I would have them more regularly. Or at least more often during the winter. But sadly, it's not up to me.

Did you know that most Christian holidays, like Christmas and Eastern, are on the exact same dates as older pagan holidays? The tree at Christmas isn't exactly a Christian symbol. And what do you think you celebrate at Halloween? Pagan celebrations. Heathen. Polytheistic. Witches.

It's an amazing piece of agressive propaganda of the early Christian church to place its most sacred holidays on the days that older religions had. People didn't even have to change their agendas if they got converted to Christianity. Same holiday, different god. Religion of convenience.

What do you think of when you hear or read "devil"? The incarnation, I mean. Do you think of a multi-headed monster, or a man with a goat's horns and hooves? In the latter case, you're deceived. Nowhere in the bible is this creature described, but it is in fact a pagan god. Talk about demonising your enemy.

Now, I'm not discrediting today's Christianity. That's for another blog... But seriously, it's merely an attempt at learning about religion's early days. To know the future, you must know the past.

Remember when next time you're celebrating a pagan holiday...

Games not make one great

Remember my Christmas wishlist back in September?

Unexpectedly, I got my wish. Well, not at Christmas, but I bought it myself two days ago. Darn, it is so cool.

I'll be offline for a couple of months, that's all.

Nah, just kidding.

It'll take more than a couple of months.

It's the eyes, I tell ya

Look into my eyes.

Look deep into my eyes, and relax. Everything around you ceases to matter as you focus on my eyes. Big eyes. Enchanting eyes. Relax, and let your guard down.

Look into my eyes. Relax.

Relax. Listen to the sound of your even breathing. Rest.

Close your eyes.

Your limbs are growing heavy. Let them rest. Let them sleep. Feel your toes, each and every one; feel how they are relaxed. Let them rest.
Feel your legs, both left and right; feel how they are relaxed. Let them rest. Your arms - let them hang by your sides and let them rest. Your stomach - feel how it is relaxed. Let it rest. Your chest - let it sleep. Feel your eyelids resting over your eyes. Feel your chest rise and fall with your steady breath. Listen to the sound of your breath. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Relax.

Move your right hand up and unbutton your shirt. Take it off. Next, off comes the bra. And your jeans. And lastly your panties.

Now, open your legs and relax...

Close encounters of the dragon kind

What is it about dragons that fascinates people?

You may well be aware that stories and myths of dragons are common around the world, and that each culture has its own perspective on its looks, personality and significance. But every culture has dragons of some kind.

What does the dragon mean? Is it fear? "Look your dragon in the eyes", "slaying your dragon"; they do remind us of fear. But fear of what, exactly? Our inner phobias? Fear of the uncontrollable nature? The ultimate wild animal? The personification of whatever god, which has the power of life and death over you? The brutest strength, the deadliest killer?

Or is it knowledge? He who befriends or converses with a dragon gets to know a lot about - everything, really. The ways of the world. Magic. The wild. The sorcerer's stone? The elixer of life?

Or is it merely an artistic expression? A thing that looks cool and frightening; something to scare disobedient little children with? A clever combination of animal parts? A symbol in the legend of St George?

A counterpart to mankind's dominance?

A phallus symbol?

It pains me to say it, but I don't know the answer. To me, it is neither of the possiblities above, and yet all of them. Dragons are fear incarnated, knowledge to the ambitious, artistic icon, and just a story element. Everything and nothing.

Another blog with no real answers. Naught but questions remain, which is good. Questions are essential to life. "Where did I come from", "why are we all here anyway" and "why is that gorram lightsaber purple" are the engine of our thinking and surviving.

What does the dragon mean to you?

I, Sigmund

I sit in my office, still tired from getting up so early this morning, trying to remember last night’s dreams. It’s no use.

I sit in my office, with a cup of hot coffee on my desk, staring at my computer screen. How come the computer at my home seems so much more pleasurable?

I sit in my office, waiting for the first patient of the day to arrive, checking whether I’ve got everything I need. Yes, it’s still all there.

I sit in my office, looking out the window, and I wonder what the rain would feel like on my face. Pleasurably annoying, I’m sure.

I sit in my office, just like I did yesterday, and I know tomorrow will be the same. And next week, and the one after that.

I sit in my office, my patient arriving, and he starts telling me about his addiction. I listen, take note, remember.

I sit in my office, the patient having left, working on my report on his case. The rain continues to pour.

I love my work.

New Year

Happy 2007.

May this year be at least as good as the last.

May all your wishes come true.

May you live every dream you've ever had, except for the bad ones.

May you live long and prosper.

May you be happy and content.

May you be healthy and wealthy.

May you see many more new years.

And, of course, may you enjoy this blog for many more years!

Prepare for the ultimate show-down

(imagine a magnificent bird view of a mountainous landscape, covered in the dark of dusk. Now imagine a voice-over, over-acting dramatically, like in any epic movie trailer)


In a world of darkness…

(zoom in on a quiet village)

…where evil rules with an iron fist…

(scared villager faces, hurrying back home)

…where good was just a fleeting dream…

(children quacking with fear under the covers)

…one man stands alone…

(lone rider enters the village, looking fiercesome)

…on his mission to save the world…

(close up of the determined look in his eyes)

…from them…

(camera moves towards the edge of the village; fleeting shadows move away)

…the killer rabbits…

(fluffy bunnies hop away)

A story of hope…

(young boy, youthful excitement in his eyes, walks through sunny fields)

…love…

(boy's mother looking at the stranger with wanton desire)

…compassion…

(the stranger looks back, rough but friendly)

…and hard fucking…

(candle-lit window of a night-time cottage, a bed squieking, a woman moaning)

…brought to you by the makers of this world and the next…

(big bearded man looks down from the heavens with a smile)

…this year…

(red letters on a black background: "this year...")

…someone’s about to have a very shitty day…

(from wide view to close-up of the stranger, saying "oh crap", abruptly ending to show the movie's title in red and white)

…WHITE RABBIT.

Joy to the world

Now that Christmas is over, we can get to the good stuff.

What did you get?

Much has been said about the overwhelming aspects of commerce and its big role during the holiday season. I'll just mention it, and continue to the point I was getting at.

Merry Christmas
Joy to the world
Peace on earth

You'll have to forgive me for not knowing the actual phrases or the order in which they appear in the song, but I hardly know the proper English version.

I was thinking about giving this blog entry a title like "false selfrighteousness", but it wouldn't have meant much to anyone but myself. Instead I chose an ironic part of the aforementioned song. "Joy to the world".

Yes, "joy to the world": joy to the world of haves; misery to the world of the havenots. "Peace on earth" is merely a blurry dream, nearly forgotten after waking up. Whereas both sides during the First World War ceased their fire during Christmas and shared their food, drink and talk, such a thing would be unimaginable in Iraq or Somalia today. Whereas members of several organisations such as the Salvation Army give food and shelter to those who need it most, the majority of the people of the Western world spend their time and money on those who they see often and who hardly need any presents.

Joy to the world. Peace on earth. Sure.

I know I have commited the same sins. I have spent my time with my family and have not invited a poor homeless soul to our table. I have not tried to stop any war in whatever way. But I have been aware of the immoral and unethical way of chosen ignorance and hypocrisy that is this year's Christmas. And that is a start. I hope more people will realize this and start acting in more sincere ways.

A better world starts with me and you.

Happy Holidays.

Christmas is cancelled

Have a Merry Christmas, everybody, and a Happy Newyear. Don't get into any trouble.

What the fuck was I talking about?

We're going to play a little game.

Yes, it's free. No, you don't need pen and paper. Just read and think along.

Now. Anyone of you seen Reservoir Dogs?

No, let's not start there.

I'm sure everyone of you has seen some movie or television program with plenty of violence in it. Some of you may avoid it as much as possible, whereas others live by it.

So, I was thinking. What if there was no violence in the world? If we had never even heard of such a thing? No fighting, no killing, no hurting.

Hard to imagine? I bet.

Now try this. Remember, it's completely hypothetical (means it's not real).

Imagine there's something, either hideous or heavenly, or neutral for that matter, that we have never even heard of. It doesn't exist. Yet, if it was, it would have a tremendous influence on our life. Like love or hate, but something else. Nothing we know of.
Something like how people two decades ago, not being able to imagine a thing like the internet, yet now it has such an immense influence on us.

Try to feel like that guy two decades ago who can't grasp the idea of internet.

Can you imagine that? Or does your head hurt? I know I've thought about the possibilities for many times, and always I am fascinated by the idea. Yet my head starts to hurt sometimes. How can you imagine something that nobody ever thought of? Something that never will be?

So... what the fuck was I talking about?

Subtlety is dead

This blog is no longer for kids.

Censorship goes out of the Microsoft Window. It's my blog and I can do what I fucking want.

I can and will say "fuck" and "shit". A lot.

I can and will post naked girls.

I can and will talk about sex. Explicitly.

I can and will be sarcastic. Deal with it.

Bloggers beware. The Dragon has been unleashed.

The Phantom Menace

At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.

Darth Maul. Hunter of Jedi, weapon of the Sith.

Of course he was the coolest bad guy since Darth Vader, with his double lightsaber and kick ass moves. But there's more to him than that and I only recently realized that.

This Zabrak, taken as a child to become a Sith, was Sidious' most powerful tool. An instrument against the Jedi, and for the creation of a Sith empire. The first public face of the Sith in thousands of years.

A scary face it was, with the ancient markings of the Sith. A scary skill as well.

This Maul, this dark warrior, was trained since childhood in the ways of the Sith. The moves, the emotions, the lore and the philosophies of the dark cult that has always been the archenemies of the Jedi.

He knew the world, the galaxy, only through the ideals of these dark Force users. Everything that happened, he interpreted through those eyes. The Jedi were bad, the Sith good. No greys.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Yes, either you were one of the chosen people to serve or rule, or you were one of the tyrants that had ended their rule, more than a thousand years ago, in bloodshed. Either you were the rebel freedom fighter, or the oppressing, corrupted power-that-be.

Either you were the Rebel Alliance or the Empire.

Odd that Star Wars gives us these parallel stories, but tells us that one is good and right, and the other bad and evil.

If you're not with me, then you're my enemy.

A quote from the even better-known Sith, Darth Vader.

If you're not with us, then you're against us.

Whose quote is this, again? Ah yes, US president George W. Bush.

Rather than trying to convince you, the reader, that George Lucas was saying Bush is evil, my point is more subtle.

Empires rise, empires fall, new empires will replace them. Good leader will be corrupted. Evil leaders will turn back to the light. Good leaders will be brought down by dishonesty and corrupted leaders will rise like stars - and the other way around.

Forever in motion, the world is.

Do not cling to your beliefs too hard. Don't be like Darth Maul, who saw everything through the eyes of a Sith. These ideals we have, might not be true after so many years.

Be forever critical. But be forever open-minded, as well.

Today's Sith might just be tomorrow's Jedi. Don't let today's Jedi be tomorrow's Empire.

Real life

Hello all.

Since this is my blog, I'd better start using it as such. Not just posting those funny pictures and stuff, but actually telling you about my everyday life.

Or not.

Alright, I admit. I love the fun stuff. If you haven't noticed, I can tell you that I have been making an effort to more or less post something every day for about a week. Lot better than once a month, I say. But I'm still not reporting about my experiences in the "real world".

The "real world". Funny expression. As if the world doesn't exist online. As if you just cease to exist as soon as you turn on your computer, and revive when you log off.

Well, yesterday I bought 3 books: Talyn by Holly Lisle, Keeping It Real by Justina Robson, and The Science Of Discworld II: The Globe by Terry Pratchett, Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen. I can't tell you if they're any good yet, since I'm only on page 54 of the first book, but they seem to be great already. Fans of Terry Pratchett need no further urging, and I'm a big fan of Holly Lisle ever since I read Diplomacy of Wolves, and Keeping It Real is already proving to be a page turner. Recommended reading, indeed.

That's the bit of everyday experience I'm going to share today. Yes, that's it. You'll have to wait for a very long time for the next bit of information about my life outside the web.

No, my life is not boring.

Hey, don't blame the blogger; I'm just doing what I do best. Keeping my identity all mysterious and stuff. It's cool. It's hip. It's like "who's that guy, dude?" and "wow, I wish I could be as cool as that DF" and "how I want to be like him, or be with him". You know, the usual groupie thing.

Adore me.

I crave your attention. Give me attention! Fuck me, I'm famous! I'm a star, baby!

Another couple minutes of your life wasted reading one of my nonsense blog. If you need to talk: I'm a psychologist in training. Reasonable prices. Call now, and get your first session for half price.

Zen

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,

The Dragon strikes again

The Dragon moves like wildfire.

I come closer. Rapidly.

Ready or not, here I come.

Your anxious eyes meet mine a fraction of a moment before I strike.

I reach, and seize. We fall.

The floor is hard. So am I.

I kiss your lips. Soft lips.

You hesitate. I kiss again.

You kiss me back. My heart jumps.

"Mmm," you say. Licking your lips. Love your lips.

"Chocolate."

Borderline

I love that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I hate that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I'm jealous of that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I don't care about that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I want that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I love you, I hate you, I'm jealous of you, I don't care about you.

I want you.

Crouching Maiden Hidden Dragon

I lay low and wait.

There you are, oblivious. Your path is not clear, your anxiety is. You look over your shoulder, twice.

Carefully you tread past. Finding those silvery wrappings and putting them away. Greedy eyes look on and you move away.

Silently I watch you, adore you. Ever closer you come. Your sweet scent is intoxicating.

Your gaze crosses mine and we freeze. But you've not spotted me, but a delicious chocolate flower. You crouch down. I enjoy the view.

Shall I reveal my chocolatey self?

Ponderings

If aliens exist...

...what would they think of us?
...who of us would they want to talk to?
...why would they want to talk at all?
...would they even remotely look like us?
...would they have the means to lift us from this misery that is our dying planet?

If dragons exist...

...would they be friendly?
...what would they eat?
...would they be able to communicate with us?
...would they even want to?

If the devil exists...

...would he wear Prada?
...would he laugh at our disbelief?
...would he be the rich Wall Street guy or the poor drug dealer in the alley?
...would he be handsome and attractive or filthy and repulsive?
...would he just want to be understood?

If God exists...

...would He dream of angels, too?
...what would He think of us now?
...would He be sorry?
...would He have the answers?
...would He give them to us?
...would we believe it's Him?
...would He actually be a She?

If you read this...

...would you not be offended?
...would you take the time to leave a bitemark?

Fragmented Identity, Episode II: The Phantom Ménage à Trois

Today, kids, we're going to talk about your sign. Do you know what your sign is?

Bobby?

No trespassing?

Almost, Bobby. Your zodiac.

Aquarius, mister Dragon!

Very good. And you, Jane?

Libra!

Good! And how about your Chinese sign?

Uhm... sushi?

***

I'm sure most of you have heard of the Chinese zodiac, and might even know your sign in it. It's very easy, because it's by year of birth. And 2006 is the year of the dog. I guess that explains the success of Snoop Dogg and the Pussycat Dolls.

My Chinese sign is the dog, so supposedly this last year was to be my year. Although it's been a very good year to me, it doesn't seem any more special than 2005. But hey, I'm not complaining.

At least I'm not a rat. Or a pig.

Well, I hate to say it, but 2007 is going to be the year of the pig. Gluttony and mudwrestling ahead! Just kidding. Being a pig isn't all that bad. Not that I would know. I'm a dog. I chase cats and sniff people's crotches.

Now, what's fascinating about the Chinese zodiac is that every sign has its opposite sign; sort of like its nemesis. They should stay away from that other sign, because some bad luck might happen if they don't. Opposite signs are tiger and monkey, for example. Obviously monkeys try to avoid tigers - if they want to live, anyway. Why the tiger should avoid the monkey is unclear to me, but it could have something to do with airborne poo.

Opposite signs are (surprisingly) placed at opposite sides of the circle that is depicted at the top of this blog (although pigs should avoid other pigs. Not enough mud around in the spiritual world, I guess).

So I'm the top dog this year. And my opposite sign is... the dragon. Yes, that extravagant mythical creature I pretend to be around these here parts.

I play the part of my opponent. I am my own nemesis. I make my enemy's moves.

Fragmented identity all over again.

And you know what's funny? I'm also a Sagittarius. You know, the one represented by a centaur (though I have no idea what he's aiming that bow and arrow at). Another mythical creature, consisting of two beings. A horse's body, and a human torso. Wild nature struggling with civilized humanity. I am a walking paradox. A being divided. A barely contained wild animal with a soft and furry side. And yes, I do like to talk about myself a lot.

Now that we're on the subject (well, I am) - do you remember those biology classes? Every organism consists of cells. From jellyfish to elephants, from amoebas to giant oaks, from Kowakian monkey lizards to hooded sith warriors, we are all made up of living cells. Every one of us is really billions upon billions of living cells, working together.

With every footstep, millions of living cells are lifted into the air, and landed safely on another spot on the floor. As we speak, millions of cells are working to get air to your lungs, blood to and from your heart, sending images from your eyes to your brain, and telling your brain to just stop reading because you're already tired and you should get up early tomorrow and this blog isn't worth those precious hours of sleep. To which your braincells reply, "so what. We make the decisions around here."

I am not one, but billions of beings. There is no "I", there is "we". What's all this talk about individualism, anyway?

I say, let's stick together. Or we'll just be a heap of helpless, useless cells.

***

Tune in next month for Episode III: Revenge of the Germs!

Hot porn

Ha! Fooled you with the title, didn't I? Serves you right, you pervert. :)

So anyway, while you're here, you might as well check out the rest of my blog. Who knows, you might like it. After all, miracles do happen. Every day, I'm told.

Be the miracle. Check it out.

The bomb

Another Cold War in the making, and yet again Europe is caught in between - literally. The North-Korean atomic bomb testings have reminded me, acutely, of the 80's song "De bom" (The bomb) by the then famous Dutch band Doe Maar. So I decided to try my hand at translating the untranslatable song, and here is the result of my efforts:



The bomb

Building my career
Before the bomb’s dropped
Working on my future
Before the bomb’s dropped
I run through my agenda
Before the bomb’s dropped
Public health insurance
Before the bomb’s dropped

And when the bomb’s dropped

I’ll lie in my fancy suit
Diplomas and my cheques on me
My policy and vocabulary
Under the city’s scrapers
Next to you

Just drop it then
It’ll happen anyway
Doesn’t matter if you run
I’ve never known you
Want to know who you are
Want to know who you are

I’m insured of success
Against fires and for my life
Before the bomb’s dropped
I have a lot but not some time
Not even just a little
Before the bomb’s dropped
I have to think of my salary
And of my relations
Before the bomb’s dropped
But rather I’d know who you are
Before it is too late
Before the bomb’s dropped

And when the bomb’s dropped

I’ll lie in my fancy suit
Diplomas and my cheques on me
My policy and vocabulary
Under the city’s skyscrapers
Next to you

You must still do your homework
Before the bomb’s dropped
Getting your diploma
Before the bomb’s dropped
E is mc squared
Before the bomb’s dropped
Mit nach nebst nächst sammt bei seit
von zu zuwieder entgegen auβer aus

(For the original lyrics, click here. For a short preview of the original song, click here and select track 3.)

Dragon's Breath

Here's a great picture of a dragon, by NeonDragon. Please visit her site; I know it hasn't been updated in a year, but you'll have fun browsing through her art.

Blog trouble?

Weblogs: the good sides and the bad sides. And the boring sides.

Star Wars versus Monty Python

Here's a link to a brilliant movie called "The Holy Sith". Click it (sorry, I can't just post it here); you'll love it. Promise.

Now if only Monty Python would still exist; would they be interested in making a Star Wars movie? Would be nice. But for now, the above link will have to do.

If you strike me down I will become more ridiculous than you can imagine

Yes, cartoons. Enjoy.

Dangerous pranks:


Mustafar showdown:


Star Wars Cantina toilet:


Practise:


"Star Wars", you say?

Christmas wishlist

What? At least I'm on time for Christmas... :)

Party!

I know I haven't exactly been blogging often lately, and with good reason. Yes, good reason - I'll explain it all a bit further down.

First, I'd like you to look at the cartoon that comes with today's blog entry. It's probably the first thing you read (you lazy you), but if not, please do.

Assuming everyone gets it, I can make my point. No, I'm not afraid of becoming some sad person that spends more time with his computer than with actually living. I'm not addicted.

But many people are addicted. And I don't mean addicted to computers - that happens too (click), but that was just my link to the first bit of Big News: I got myself an internship with an addiction treatment facility! They treat drug, alcohol and gambling addictions. I've been very busy getting this internship, and arranging all the things that come with it - contracts, courses to follow, people to notify, etc. That's the main reason for not blogging very often. I hope you forgive me now.

By the way, it will probably mean that I won't be blogging very often in the near future, either. So please be patient with me; I haven't lost the will to blog, I just haven't the time.

And the second bit of Big News, and the main reason for the Par-Tay, is that last Saturday, me and my girlfriend were officially one year together! I love her so much, and we spent the day shopping in downtown Amsterdam (we both like shopping), having a drink at the same place we did exactly a year earlier, and we had dinner in a comfy Greek restaurant called Aphrodite. Yes, we had a blast. And soon we'll be going to the Rotterdam Zoo, because she gave me tickets!

So, my blog entry isn't as long as you might expect after such a long absence. But hey, deal with it.

So long and thanks for all the fish.