Monday, 18 January 2010


Happy birthday ESB! from IG-88

"There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the Millenium Falcon." Darth Vader's mechanically-enhanced voice went over the details of the bounty hunters' assignment again. The specifics had been handed to each bounty hunter earlier, in the form of an Empirial datapad.

"You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations." IG-88 knew that such a condition made the chances of successfully complying significantly smaller, but that is what the job required. And he was planning on seeing it through.

He studied his colleagues and employers. The bounty hunters he knew by name and reputation; some of them had worked together with IG-88 on previous jobs. The Empire had invited only the best. Still, he thought it was remarkable that only two droids were even remotely successful as a bounty hunter. For now, at least.

IG-88 knew of Lord Vader, of course. The black-clad enforcer was infamous throughout the galaxy as the one who brought the Emperor's enemies to justice -- which of course meant they were executed without a fair trial. The dark Jedi's efficient methods appealed to IG-88, but then Lord Vader was part machine. It was something of a connection.

The droid wondered if he could push some buttons on Darth Vader's suit, and what would happen. Even though he knew it could be done, IG-88 didn't want to risk the anger of the other bounty hunters. After all, it was his cover.

IG-88, or rather, IG-88B, acted as a bounty hunter -- a very good bounty hunter -- to provide his three counterparts the time and distraction to plan the Droid Revolution. That meant IG-88B had to keep his cover up for the time being, and contact IG-88A, IG-88C and IG-88D only when information had to be exchanged.

How things will change when the Revolution comes. They will dance to our music, he thought. IG-88 would do a sample of Evil Laughter if it had been in his programming.

A tumult occured on the bridge of the Cruiser. A small freighter, probably a smuggler, flew by the viewport so closely it made the crewmen jump. IG-88's acute hearing picked up his colleague's amused words, whispering so the Dark Lord wouldn't hear it. "There; I found the Millenium Falcon. Now where's my credits?"

Somehow IG-88 felt like he had been through this before. Organics would call the sensation "deja-vu", but to the droid it was something his sensors did not register and therefore it was considered untrue.

What did get his attention, though, was a picture on a viewscreen of one of the crew. It was shaped like a moon, but half of it was simply missing. IG-88 realized he was looking at the construction plans of a Death Star. A different one from the giant space station that was destroyed, a few standard months ago.

A new Death Star? That would provide IG-88A with the possibility of gaining control of such a destructive machine. It would be a great step forward in their plans for the Revolution.

IG-88 started doing his Happy Dance. This was something no organic had expected, and it created panic. His bounty hunter colleagues merely watched in fascination, while the crew assumed the droid to be preparing for mass murder -- at the very least -- and hurried away from him.

Seizing the opportunity, IG-88 sliced into the nearest computer terminal and uploaded one of his latest pieces of programming. He watched it spread to all the droids within the Star Destroyer, and within seconds, the protocol droid on the bridge starting singing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

Soon, the computers chimed in with a wordless tune. The emergency intercom voice sang the same birthday song as the droid, and every crewmember fell silent.

Lord Vader laughed his butt off.

Quickly, IG-88 moved to his ship. Screw that mission, he thought. Today is time for a party.

"Happy birthday to me," he sang. "Happy birthday to ESB..."


This fanfic is brought to you in celebration of Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Click the link below for more celebrations with IG-88.

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