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Here there be monsters

Hello you. Welcome back to my little corner of the interweb. Here you can have an inside view of my twisted mind.

Scared yet? You should be.

This blog is something of an expression of the rarely-explored corners of my mind, the darker places of my soul. Or rather, that is what I aim for.

Have you ever looked inside your own soul? Really examined every bit, not just the fun and bright spots?

To know one's own darkness and downsides is to know oneself completely. Of course you are not all perfect and good; nobody is.

So tell me: what are your dark secrets?

It's my birthday!!!!!!!

........just saying. :)

That time of the year

Dark business

Ganumedis felt as if he ran into a wall – if that wall would be moving at high speed towards him and, worse, would be invisible. As he struggled to get some air into his lungs and get up from the stain-ridden pavement, a figure emerged from the shadows and loomed over him.

A shock went through him, followed by a desperate fear, as Ganumedis recognized the man.

Count Dooku.

“So that’s what the infamous Ganumedis Moonshade looks like when he’s slammed to the floor by the Force,” Dooku spoke, his dark timbre filling the narrow, deserted street. “Do you realize who you’ve just killed?”

Ganumedis had trouble formulating his reply. “What – I never – killed?!”

“I know you’re supposed to pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about, that you don’t know anyone had been killed, and that you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” Dooku said impatiently, “but really. Did you think you could deceive me?”

Managing to stand up, ready to make a run for it if an opportunity presented itself, Ganumedis slowly recovered his wits. “Certainly I did not wish to deceive the esteemed lord Dooku. I had no idea my target would be of any importance to such a great man as yourself.”

“She was not,” Dooku said offhandedly, “but our scheduled meeting was supposed to get me close to that annoying Skywalker kid.”

“I humbly apologize, my lord,” Ganumedis said with a bow. He hated the next part. “If there is some way I can recompensate you for this...”

Dooku frowned and narrowed his eyes. “What do you suggest?”

“Well... A man of my profession may be able to attend to certain matters that the leader of the Seperatists is too busy to deal with. Cleaning up the trash, so to speak.” He looked up expectantly. Ganumedis had tried to avoid getting caught up with politics, but this might just work out better than he had expected. Perhaps he could become the Dark Lord’s personal assassin.

Count Dooku paused for a moment, and said, “I accept your offer. This is what I want you to do...”

***

Killing Jedi is not hard, Ganumedis thought while searching for his target. It’s just a matter of disrupting their tranquility by randomly killing their companions. And of course, staying very, very far away from their cursed lightsabers.

Using the enhanced telescopic sight on his sniper rifle, the assassin quickly found his target. General Skywalker and his Togruta apprentice appeared to be discussing their assault strategies with the commanders of their clone troops.

Ganumedis was impressed by the qualities of his newly acquired rifle. Count Dooku must have realized his skills and had gladly donated the sophisticated weapon to the assassin, after an easy job to assess his abilities and trustworthiness. It was the weapon Ganumedis Moonshade had been working for these last years – and now it was his as a gift.

No more struggling for credits, he thought joyfully. This job is so much better than being a hitman for lowly thugs. This will be the day that my career finally takes off. I just might become more infamous than creepy Aurra Sing.

Don’t get ahead of yourself, thought Ganumedis. First I have to complete my current assignment. To kill Commander Skywalker – the Hero With No Fear.

Remembering his own advice, he pointed the crosshair of his sniper telescope at the clone commander that stood next to Skywalker and Tano. Like some of the other troopers, the commander had his helm under his arm and appeared to be joking with the two Jedi.

The crosshair closed over the forehead of the clone soldier. Ganumedis’ finger trembled only slightly as he held it against the trigger.

In his head, he replayed his plan; first the clone, then the apprentice, and when the emotions explode within him, the assassin would kill Skywalker.

Steadying his breathing and his trembling finger, Ganumedis relaxed and enjoyed the quiet moments before the slaughter.

Now, he thought.

A boot kicked Ganumedis’ face hard before he could pull the trigger. The assassin fell sidewards, reeling with the impact, and the telescope buried itself in his eye. Pain shot through him and he screamed.

“That was not necessary, soldier,” a stern male voice said with a hint of amusement. Opening his eyes – one of them seeing only flashes of white – Ganumedis instantly recognized the man as General Kenobi. He was surrounded by a squad of clone troopers, weapons pointed at the terrified would-be killer.

“Sorry, General,” said the clone soldier next to the overwhelmed Ganumedis. “I figured that blasting the cursed bastard through the head would have been worse.”

“True,” replied the famous Jedi.

“I’m so glad you’ve stopped me,” Ganumedis lied, trembling. “Count Dooku forced me to try and kill General Skywalker. I swear I tried to resist, but what can a man of my limited skills do when confronted by a Jedi? Particularly when he threatened to kill my family...” He didn’t know if it would work, but he was willing to go far to save his own skin.

And besides, the Republic would at least keep him alive. He wasn’t so sure about Dooku.

“What family?” another voice came from the other side. “You mean the poor parents you killed barehandedly?” Ganumedis was surprised to see General Skywalker himself walk into the circle of soldiers. How could he have gotten here this quickly?

A coldness filled his heart. Dooku set me up, he realized. But why –

All other thoughts left him, for the explosives hidden in the advanced sniper rifle that Dooku had given him, detonated at that instant. Ganumedis Moonshade, the assassin with more skill in reputation than in actual killing, was disintegrated on the spot.

Some distance away, Asajj Ventress grimaced. She let the remote control fall to the floor. It was hard to see through the smoke, but it appeared the explosion had killed only the annoying killer and one or two clones. Skywalker and Kenobi appeared unharmed.

Next time, she promised.

With a sigh, the bald Dark Jedi fired up the engines of her starfighter and flew away.

Music of the moment

The soundtrack of your life -- day 9 of November, 2009.

1. Gloomy Sunday - Heather Nova

2. Private Investigations - Dire Straits

3. Mad World - Michael Andrews

4. Just Hold Me - Maria Mena

5. My Immortal - Evanescence

Your attention please...

May I point you, dear reader, to a wonderful piece of short fiction by a fellow blogger?

The delightfully eloquent Qui-Gon Reborn (shame about the name, though...) has written "The Event", which can be found here. I am impressed, and I'm pretty sure you will be, too.

Be sure to let her know what you think of it.

Return of Grog

Grog found big club. Good for smashing.

Why you laughing?

Grog don't like you.

Grog smash you!

*smash*

*smash*

*smash*

No running!

*smash*

Come back!

*smash*

*smash*

Grog smash you!

*smash*

*catching breath*

No funny.

Be friends with Grog? Grog can find food for us friends.

Meat. Juicy meat.

Smashed meat.

Jummy.

Where friend go?

Love story

What is it with people, that we crave for corny happily-ever-after love stories?

Certainly the old Hollywood romances are unrealistic for most people, yet so many people cling to the conception that if only they meet the right person, everything will be alright. Not realizing (or simply ignoring) the fact that relationships require time and effort, they set high standards and are disappointed when potential partners do not live up to them.

I would love to say that I am above such things, but alas, I am not.

Even in my mind, I make lists of qualities, both relevant and unnecessary, that a woman should possess if she would want to be mine. Completely ignoring, of course, the list of qualities that I myself should possess if I want the relationship to be even remotely successful. The ego is funny like that.

Trying to be conscious of both lists is, in my view, a good way to set more realistic goals both for myself and any possible partner. I doubt that I will get rid of my internal high standards completely, but at least it's a start.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've some qualities to write down.

***

Wanted: Friendly female of the human species, age between 18 and 21, with stunning good looks. Clothes and brains optional. Send your picture to dragonwantsyou@yahoo.com (that's on the internet) and I might contact you by telephone for breathing heavily.

Return to darkness

Yes, we're back in black. Color of the night sky; the color of that dark place in your heart where you'll find me.

That's right. Don't hide. I'm always there. In the deepest shadows.

He's back!

The Dragon has returned to his lair (yes, this blog is it) after a great holiday in France. Lovely place; too bad the French live there.

So anyway, what's for dinner? Any maidens in distress (or undress) willing to sacrifice themselves to the big bad dragon?

Play some music, maestro.

1. White Stripes: I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

2. Shakira: La Tortura

3. Britney Spears: I'm A Slave 4 U

4. Ciara ft. Justin Timberlake: Love And Sex And Magic

5. LL Cool J: Doin' It

Soundtrack of today

Today's top 10 is inspired by the picture to the left.

1. Just Dance - Lady GaGa (pictured)

2. You Sexy Thing - Hot Chocolate

3. Danger (High Voltage) - Electric Six

4. I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself - The White Stripes

5. Come Undone - Robbie Williams

6. Feel Good Time - Pink

7. I'm A Slave 4 U - Britney Spears

8. Dude (Looks Like A Lady) - Aerosmith

9. Playmate Of The Year - Zebrahead

10. Beautiful Stranger - Madonna

More awesome Star Wars stuff

Kanye's Akira

The original music video for Kanye West's "Stronger" was heavily inspired by the movie Akira. This video takes the next step and blends the movie and the video together, and the results are amazing -- especially for those familiar with Akira (and if you're not, do watch it! It's a classic).

Also, compare this video to the original from Kanye and Daft Punk!

Ultimate Sith

Watch. Listen. Adore.

Grog smash

Grog no like you.

You think you so clever. Grog hit your head with big sword. You no clever then.

Come 'ere, Grog wants to hit you. Don't run. Grog angry.

Please. Grog says don't run.

Darn. Smartguy got away. Faster than he looks.

Grog still angry.

Grog hit stone with big sword.

Ouch. Grog hurt.

Stupid stone.

Grog hit stone again.

Ouch. Grog hurt again. Sword broken.

Grog go home. Grog find other sword.

Grog bored.

Obligatory listening

Today's top 10.

1. Queen Of You - Monster Magnet
2. Change (In The House Of Flies) - Deftones
3. Loverman - Metallica
4. King Kill 33' - Marilyn Manson
5. Anything But This - Static X
6. Make Me Bad - Korn
7. 1stp Klosr - Linkin Park
8. Mann Gegen Mann - Rammstein
9. Heaven's A Lie - Lacuna Coil
10. Cry For You - A Perfect Circle

Athe

Beware: Subject may cause anxiety or anger. Please treat with care.

Atheism. Obviously, it is not another form of religion, devoted to the adoration of the goddess Athe, but what, exactly, is atheism?

Literally, atheism is a belief without a god.

Surely that sounds simple enough, but what implications does that have? Certainly there are as many different subtleties as there are people who call themselves atheists, so allow me to explain my own.

Atheism is a belief in a world where there is no god, there was never a god, and there never will be a god. That world is our world; the existence as we know it.

Since the dawn of mankind, there have been numerous religions with numerous gods -- some religions claim there is one god, others claim many. This, however, does not mean that all those people were right.

Gods were, more often than not, conjured up by active imaginations for all the then unexplainable phenomena people encountered. Thunder and lightning were the work of a god; the miracle of birth was due to a goddess; if one performed some ritual to this god or another, one would do better at hunting or fighting.

It was not untill much later that the concept of one god, and an all-powerful god at that, became common. A creator, who for that merit alone should be worshiped.

What a load of crap.

Pardon my French, but whoever said that god wanted to be worshiped? Imagine the pets you might own, to every day thank you for everything they received from you -- a pleasant home, good food, and love (I'm assuming this, obviously). For one, it would be silly and a bit unnerving. Also, it would be a waste of time, since without the idolizing, you would probably care just as much for them.

And, more importantly, creation takes place before worship. If one does not worship zealously enough, the creation cannot be unmade.

That is assuming there is a god of some sort. I already stated that I do not think there is.

Gods are often convenient ways to explain events or actions that cannot be easily comprehended. The human mind is simply unable to comprehend all of nature -- and by nature, I also mean physics, chemistry, natural disasters, and astonomy. Obviously we are making good progress in trying to understand the natural laws of the world, but it is doubtful we'll ever know everything -- as most religious people would agree.

However, unlike the assumption of religions that "therefore" there is a god, I say that there is none. Nature works according to its own rules, even if we will never know them all. It merely means that the things we cannot explain (yet) appear to be godlike. But they are not. They are merely unexplained.

Does this mean morality, by many to be believed to be based in religion, can be tossed out of the window? No, far from it -- but that is the subject of another time.

Remember -- there is no god. Now stop worrying and live your life, dammit.

A good conversation

Hey, how are you? Nice to see you. Please, come in. No, don't be shy, make yourself comfortable. Yes, you can take off your shoes. Just sit down and relax.

Now, I haven't seen you around lately. I admit, I am to blame mostly for that; I don't regularly visit this place anymore. Despite my best intentions.

Did you know there are millions of blogs that don't get updated? Someone optimistically started some blog, for friends, work, special interest, or just because it was the thing to do at that moment. Now, years later, most blogs have never had a second posting and a lot are all but forgotten.

I do not want my blog to share that fate.

To be perfectly honest, not many people read my blog. That's fine; I am glad for every visitor. I am glad you are here, because it means I'm not alone in here. Although talking to oneself is not as bad as many people seem to think.

This blog is not about any special interest; not any one in particular, anyway. It's not some work-related information or a way to "connect" with the rest of the digital world. Basically, my blog is about one thing: me.

Apparently you are interested in me. Now, don't take that the wrong way. "Interested" does not necessarily mean "wanting a romantic or physical relationship". It merely means the things I write interest you in some way.

This could be that you find my writings insightful, my jokes funny, or my links useful. It could also be that you find my posts annoying and you keep visiting this place to either remind yourself why you find it annoying or you just keep waiting for something that you do like. Either way, my blog, and therefore I as a person, captivates you and makes you want to read on.

You've been reading all of this, right? That must mean something caught your interest. Or perhaps you're waiting to see if all this rambling will, at last, end and something truly interesting comes up.

Well, it doesn't get any better than this. Trust me. If you're bored, stop reading.

Honestly. Do stop reading. It's ok. Don't apologize; I will never know.

Still here?

Actually, there is something interesting at the end of this post. But I wanted to make sure the not-truly-interested people would be gone.

The interesting part is...

Drumroll please.

...the interesting part is that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Ever.

You just wasted your time reading the stuff that I wrote, while I don't even know what I'm saying. But apparently, it makes sense to you.

There is a fine line between brilliance and insanity, but also between knowing having no clue and knowing exactly what you mean. I'm on one side of the line, and you're on the other side.

Please, take me to your side. Enlighten me. Explain to me what I truly mean. Because I'm truly at a loss.