Today, kids, we're going to talk about your sign. Do you know what your sign is?
Almost, Bobby. Your zodiac.
Aquarius, mister Dragon!
Very good. And you, Jane?
Good! And how about your Chinese sign?
I'm sure most of you have heard of the Chinese zodiac, and might even know your sign in it. It's very easy, because it's by year of birth. And 2006 is the year of the dog. I guess that explains the success of Snoop Dogg and the Pussycat Dolls.
My Chinese sign is the dog, so supposedly this last year was to be my year. Although it's been a very good year to me, it doesn't seem any more special than 2005. But hey, I'm not complaining.
At least I'm not a rat. Or a pig.
Well, I hate to say it, but 2007 is going to be the year of the pig. Gluttony and mudwrestling ahead! Just kidding. Being a pig isn't all that bad. Not that I would know. I'm a dog. I chase cats and sniff people's crotches.
Now, what's fascinating about the Chinese zodiac is that every sign has its opposite sign; sort of like its nemesis. They should stay away from that other sign, because some bad luck might happen if they don't. Opposite signs are tiger and monkey, for example. Obviously monkeys try to avoid tigers - if they want to live, anyway. Why the tiger should avoid the monkey is unclear to me, but it could have something to do with airborne poo.
Opposite signs are (surprisingly) placed at opposite sides of the circle that is depicted at the top of this blog (although pigs should avoid other pigs. Not enough mud around in the spiritual world, I guess).
So I'm the top dog this year. And my opposite sign is... the dragon. Yes, that extravagant mythical creature I pretend to be around these here parts.
I play the part of my opponent. I am my own nemesis. I make my enemy's moves.
Fragmented identity all over again.
And you know what's funny? I'm also a Sagittarius. You know, the one represented by a centaur (though I have no idea what he's aiming that bow and arrow at). Another mythical creature, consisting of two beings. A horse's body, and a human torso. Wild nature struggling with civilized humanity. I am a walking paradox. A being divided. A barely contained wild animal with a soft and furry side. And yes, I do like to talk about myself a lot.
Now that we're on the subject (well, I am) - do you remember those biology classes? Every organism consists of cells. From jellyfish to elephants, from amoebas to giant oaks, from Kowakian monkey lizards to hooded sith warriors, we are all made up of living cells. Every one of us is really billions upon billions of living cells, working together.
With every footstep, millions of living cells are lifted into the air, and landed safely on another spot on the floor. As we speak, millions of cells are working to get air to your lungs, blood to and from your heart, sending images from your eyes to your brain, and telling your brain to just stop reading because you're already tired and you should get up early tomorrow and this blog isn't worth those precious hours of sleep. To which your braincells reply, "so what. We make the decisions around here."
I am not one, but billions of beings. There is no "I", there is "we". What's all this talk about individualism, anyway?
I say, let's stick together. Or we'll just be a heap of helpless, useless cells.
Tune in next month for Episode III: Revenge of the Germs!