Wednesday, 27 December 2006

Prepare for the ultimate show-down

(imagine a magnificent bird view of a mountainous landscape, covered in the dark of dusk. Now imagine a voice-over, over-acting dramatically, like in any epic movie trailer)

In a world of darkness…

(zoom in on a quiet village)

…where evil rules with an iron fist…

(scared villager faces, hurrying back home)

…where good was just a fleeting dream…

(children quacking with fear under the covers)

…one man stands alone…

(lone rider enters the village, looking fiercesome)

…on his mission to save the world…

(close up of the determined look in his eyes)

…from them…

(camera moves towards the edge of the village; fleeting shadows move away)

…the killer rabbits…

(fluffy bunnies hop away)

A story of hope…

(young boy, youthful excitement in his eyes, walks through sunny fields)


(boy's mother looking at the stranger with wanton desire)


(the stranger looks back, rough but friendly)

…and hard fucking…

(candle-lit window of a night-time cottage, a bed squieking, a woman moaning)

…brought to you by the makers of this world and the next…

(big bearded man looks down from the heavens with a smile)

…this year…

(red letters on a black background: "this year...")

…someone’s about to have a very shitty day…

(from wide view to close-up of the stranger, saying "oh crap", abruptly ending to show the movie's title in red and white)


Joy to the world

Now that Christmas is over, we can get to the good stuff.

What did you get?

Much has been said about the overwhelming aspects of commerce and its big role during the holiday season. I'll just mention it, and continue to the point I was getting at.

Merry Christmas
Joy to the world
Peace on earth

You'll have to forgive me for not knowing the actual phrases or the order in which they appear in the song, but I hardly know the proper English version.

I was thinking about giving this blog entry a title like "false selfrighteousness", but it wouldn't have meant much to anyone but myself. Instead I chose an ironic part of the aforementioned song. "Joy to the world".

Yes, "joy to the world": joy to the world of haves; misery to the world of the havenots. "Peace on earth" is merely a blurry dream, nearly forgotten after waking up. Whereas both sides during the First World War ceased their fire during Christmas and shared their food, drink and talk, such a thing would be unimaginable in Iraq or Somalia today. Whereas members of several organisations such as the Salvation Army give food and shelter to those who need it most, the majority of the people of the Western world spend their time and money on those who they see often and who hardly need any presents.

Joy to the world. Peace on earth. Sure.

I know I have commited the same sins. I have spent my time with my family and have not invited a poor homeless soul to our table. I have not tried to stop any war in whatever way. But I have been aware of the immoral and unethical way of chosen ignorance and hypocrisy that is this year's Christmas. And that is a start. I hope more people will realize this and start acting in more sincere ways.

A better world starts with me and you.

Happy Holidays.

Saturday, 23 December 2006

Christmas is cancelled

Have a Merry Christmas, everybody, and a Happy Newyear. Don't get into any trouble.

Tuesday, 19 December 2006

What the fuck was I talking about?

We're going to play a little game.

Yes, it's free. No, you don't need pen and paper. Just read and think along.

Now. Anyone of you seen Reservoir Dogs?

No, let's not start there.

I'm sure everyone of you has seen some movie or television program with plenty of violence in it. Some of you may avoid it as much as possible, whereas others live by it.

So, I was thinking. What if there was no violence in the world? If we had never even heard of such a thing? No fighting, no killing, no hurting.

Hard to imagine? I bet.

Now try this. Remember, it's completely hypothetical (means it's not real).

Imagine there's something, either hideous or heavenly, or neutral for that matter, that we have never even heard of. It doesn't exist. Yet, if it was, it would have a tremendous influence on our life. Like love or hate, but something else. Nothing we know of.
Something like how people two decades ago, not being able to imagine a thing like the internet, yet now it has such an immense influence on us.

Try to feel like that guy two decades ago who can't grasp the idea of internet.

Can you imagine that? Or does your head hurt? I know I've thought about the possibilities for many times, and always I am fascinated by the idea. Yet my head starts to hurt sometimes. How can you imagine something that nobody ever thought of? Something that never will be?

So... what the fuck was I talking about?

Monday, 18 December 2006

Subtlety is dead

This blog is no longer for kids.

Censorship goes out of the Microsoft Window. It's my blog and I can do what I fucking want.

I can and will say "fuck" and "shit". A lot.

I can and will post naked girls.

I can and will talk about sex. Explicitly.

I can and will be sarcastic. Deal with it.

Bloggers beware. The Dragon has been unleashed.

Sunday, 17 December 2006

The Phantom Menace

At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge.

Darth Maul. Hunter of Jedi, weapon of the Sith.

Of course he was the coolest bad guy since Darth Vader, with his double lightsaber and kick ass moves. But there's more to him than that and I only recently realized that.

This Zabrak, taken as a child to become a Sith, was Sidious' most powerful tool. An instrument against the Jedi, and for the creation of a Sith empire. The first public face of the Sith in thousands of years.

A scary face it was, with the ancient markings of the Sith. A scary skill as well.

This Maul, this dark warrior, was trained since childhood in the ways of the Sith. The moves, the emotions, the lore and the philosophies of the dark cult that has always been the archenemies of the Jedi.

He knew the world, the galaxy, only through the ideals of these dark Force users. Everything that happened, he interpreted through those eyes. The Jedi were bad, the Sith good. No greys.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Yes, either you were one of the chosen people to serve or rule, or you were one of the tyrants that had ended their rule, more than a thousand years ago, in bloodshed. Either you were the rebel freedom fighter, or the oppressing, corrupted power-that-be.

Either you were the Rebel Alliance or the Empire.

Odd that Star Wars gives us these parallel stories, but tells us that one is good and right, and the other bad and evil.

If you're not with me, then you're my enemy.

A quote from the even better-known Sith, Darth Vader.

If you're not with us, then you're against us.

Whose quote is this, again? Ah yes, US president George W. Bush.

Rather than trying to convince you, the reader, that George Lucas was saying Bush is evil, my point is more subtle.

Empires rise, empires fall, new empires will replace them. Good leader will be corrupted. Evil leaders will turn back to the light. Good leaders will be brought down by dishonesty and corrupted leaders will rise like stars - and the other way around.

Forever in motion, the world is.

Do not cling to your beliefs too hard. Don't be like Darth Maul, who saw everything through the eyes of a Sith. These ideals we have, might not be true after so many years.

Be forever critical. But be forever open-minded, as well.

Today's Sith might just be tomorrow's Jedi. Don't let today's Jedi be tomorrow's Empire.

Friday, 15 December 2006

Real life

Hello all.

Since this is my blog, I'd better start using it as such. Not just posting those funny pictures and stuff, but actually telling you about my everyday life.

Or not.

Alright, I admit. I love the fun stuff. If you haven't noticed, I can tell you that I have been making an effort to more or less post something every day for about a week. Lot better than once a month, I say. But I'm still not reporting about my experiences in the "real world".

The "real world". Funny expression. As if the world doesn't exist online. As if you just cease to exist as soon as you turn on your computer, and revive when you log off.

Well, yesterday I bought 3 books: Talyn by Holly Lisle, Keeping It Real by Justina Robson, and The Science Of Discworld II: The Globe by Terry Pratchett, Ian Stewart & Jack Cohen. I can't tell you if they're any good yet, since I'm only on page 54 of the first book, but they seem to be great already. Fans of Terry Pratchett need no further urging, and I'm a big fan of Holly Lisle ever since I read Diplomacy of Wolves, and Keeping It Real is already proving to be a page turner. Recommended reading, indeed.

That's the bit of everyday experience I'm going to share today. Yes, that's it. You'll have to wait for a very long time for the next bit of information about my life outside the web.

No, my life is not boring.

Hey, don't blame the blogger; I'm just doing what I do best. Keeping my identity all mysterious and stuff. It's cool. It's hip. It's like "who's that guy, dude?" and "wow, I wish I could be as cool as that DF" and "how I want to be like him, or be with him". You know, the usual groupie thing.

Adore me.

I crave your attention. Give me attention! Fuck me, I'm famous! I'm a star, baby!

Another couple minutes of your life wasted reading one of my nonsense blog. If you need to talk: I'm a psychologist in training. Reasonable prices. Call now, and get your first session for half price.

Wednesday, 13 December 2006




Tuesday, 12 December 2006

The Dragon strikes again

The Dragon moves like wildfire.

I come closer. Rapidly.

Ready or not, here I come.

Your anxious eyes meet mine a fraction of a moment before I strike.

I reach, and seize. We fall.

The floor is hard. So am I.

I kiss your lips. Soft lips.

You hesitate. I kiss again.

You kiss me back. My heart jumps.

"Mmm," you say. Licking your lips. Love your lips.



I love that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I hate that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I'm jealous of that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I don't care about that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I want that way you smile and talk and look at me; the way you make love, go out, have fun.

I love you, I hate you, I'm jealous of you, I don't care about you.

I want you.

Monday, 11 December 2006

Crouching Maiden Hidden Dragon

I lay low and wait.

There you are, oblivious. Your path is not clear, your anxiety is. You look over your shoulder, twice.

Carefully you tread past. Finding those silvery wrappings and putting them away. Greedy eyes look on and you move away.

Silently I watch you, adore you. Ever closer you come. Your sweet scent is intoxicating.

Your gaze crosses mine and we freeze. But you've not spotted me, but a delicious chocolate flower. You crouch down. I enjoy the view.

Shall I reveal my chocolatey self?

Sunday, 10 December 2006


If aliens exist...

...what would they think of us?
...who of us would they want to talk to?
...why would they want to talk at all?
...would they even remotely look like us?
...would they have the means to lift us from this misery that is our dying planet?

If dragons exist...

...would they be friendly?
...what would they eat?
...would they be able to communicate with us?
...would they even want to?

If the devil exists...

...would he wear Prada?
...would he laugh at our disbelief?
...would he be the rich Wall Street guy or the poor drug dealer in the alley?
...would he be handsome and attractive or filthy and repulsive?
...would he just want to be understood?

If God exists...

...would He dream of angels, too?
...what would He think of us now?
...would He be sorry?
...would He have the answers?
...would He give them to us?
...would we believe it's Him?
...would He actually be a She?

If you read this...

...would you not be offended?
...would you take the time to leave a bitemark?

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

Fragmented Identity, Episode II: The Phantom Ménage à Trois

Today, kids, we're going to talk about your sign. Do you know what your sign is?


No trespassing?

Almost, Bobby. Your zodiac.

Aquarius, mister Dragon!

Very good. And you, Jane?


Good! And how about your Chinese sign?

Uhm... sushi?


I'm sure most of you have heard of the Chinese zodiac, and might even know your sign in it. It's very easy, because it's by year of birth. And 2006 is the year of the dog. I guess that explains the success of Snoop Dogg and the Pussycat Dolls.

My Chinese sign is the dog, so supposedly this last year was to be my year. Although it's been a very good year to me, it doesn't seem any more special than 2005. But hey, I'm not complaining.

At least I'm not a rat. Or a pig.

Well, I hate to say it, but 2007 is going to be the year of the pig. Gluttony and mudwrestling ahead! Just kidding. Being a pig isn't all that bad. Not that I would know. I'm a dog. I chase cats and sniff people's crotches.

Now, what's fascinating about the Chinese zodiac is that every sign has its opposite sign; sort of like its nemesis. They should stay away from that other sign, because some bad luck might happen if they don't. Opposite signs are tiger and monkey, for example. Obviously monkeys try to avoid tigers - if they want to live, anyway. Why the tiger should avoid the monkey is unclear to me, but it could have something to do with airborne poo.

Opposite signs are (surprisingly) placed at opposite sides of the circle that is depicted at the top of this blog (although pigs should avoid other pigs. Not enough mud around in the spiritual world, I guess).

So I'm the top dog this year. And my opposite sign is... the dragon. Yes, that extravagant mythical creature I pretend to be around these here parts.

I play the part of my opponent. I am my own nemesis. I make my enemy's moves.

Fragmented identity all over again.

And you know what's funny? I'm also a Sagittarius. You know, the one represented by a centaur (though I have no idea what he's aiming that bow and arrow at). Another mythical creature, consisting of two beings. A horse's body, and a human torso. Wild nature struggling with civilized humanity. I am a walking paradox. A being divided. A barely contained wild animal with a soft and furry side. And yes, I do like to talk about myself a lot.

Now that we're on the subject (well, I am) - do you remember those biology classes? Every organism consists of cells. From jellyfish to elephants, from amoebas to giant oaks, from Kowakian monkey lizards to hooded sith warriors, we are all made up of living cells. Every one of us is really billions upon billions of living cells, working together.

With every footstep, millions of living cells are lifted into the air, and landed safely on another spot on the floor. As we speak, millions of cells are working to get air to your lungs, blood to and from your heart, sending images from your eyes to your brain, and telling your brain to just stop reading because you're already tired and you should get up early tomorrow and this blog isn't worth those precious hours of sleep. To which your braincells reply, "so what. We make the decisions around here."

I am not one, but billions of beings. There is no "I", there is "we". What's all this talk about individualism, anyway?

I say, let's stick together. Or we'll just be a heap of helpless, useless cells.


Tune in next month for Episode III: Revenge of the Germs!

Wednesday, 15 November 2006

Hot porn

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Ha! Fooled you with the title, didn't I? Serves you right, you pervert. :)

So anyway, while you're here, you might as well check out the rest of my blog. Who knows, you might like it. After all, miracles do happen. Every day, I'm told.

Be the miracle. Check it out.

Tuesday, 10 October 2006

The bomb

Another Cold War in the making, and yet again Europe is caught in between - literally. The North-Korean atomic bomb testings have reminded me, acutely, of the 80's song "De bom" (The bomb) by the then famous Dutch band Doe Maar. So I decided to try my hand at translating the untranslatable song, and here is the result of my efforts:

The bomb

Building my career
Before the bomb’s dropped
Working on my future
Before the bomb’s dropped
I run through my agenda
Before the bomb’s dropped
Public health insurance
Before the bomb’s dropped

And when the bomb’s dropped

I’ll lie in my fancy suit
Diplomas and my cheques on me
My policy and vocabulary
Under the city’s scrapers
Next to you

Just drop it then
It’ll happen anyway
Doesn’t matter if you run
I’ve never known you
Want to know who you are
Want to know who you are

I’m insured of success
Against fires and for my life
Before the bomb’s dropped
I have a lot but not some time
Not even just a little
Before the bomb’s dropped
I have to think of my salary
And of my relations
Before the bomb’s dropped
But rather I’d know who you are
Before it is too late
Before the bomb’s dropped

And when the bomb’s dropped

I’ll lie in my fancy suit
Diplomas and my cheques on me
My policy and vocabulary
Under the city’s skyscrapers
Next to you

You must still do your homework
Before the bomb’s dropped
Getting your diploma
Before the bomb’s dropped
E is mc squared
Before the bomb’s dropped
Mit nach nebst nächst sammt bei seit
von zu zuwieder entgegen auβer aus

(For the original lyrics, click here. For a short preview of the original song, click here and select track 3.)

Monday, 9 October 2006

Dragon's Breath

Here's a great picture of a dragon, by NeonDragon. Please visit her site; I know it hasn't been updated in a year, but you'll have fun browsing through her art.

Tuesday, 3 October 2006

Blog trouble?

Weblogs: the good sides and the bad sides. And the boring sides.

Star Wars versus Monty Python

Here's a link to a brilliant movie called "The Holy Sith". Click it (sorry, I can't just post it here); you'll love it. Promise.

Now if only Monty Python would still exist; would they be interested in making a Star Wars movie? Would be nice. But for now, the above link will have to do.

Tuesday, 26 September 2006

If you strike me down I will become more ridiculous than you can imagine

Yes, cartoons. Enjoy.

Dangerous pranks:

Mustafar showdown:

Star Wars Cantina toilet:


"Star Wars", you say?

Monday, 25 September 2006

Christmas wishlist

What? At least I'm on time for Christmas... :)


I know I haven't exactly been blogging often lately, and with good reason. Yes, good reason - I'll explain it all a bit further down.

First, I'd like you to look at the cartoon that comes with today's blog entry. It's probably the first thing you read (you lazy you), but if not, please do.

Assuming everyone gets it, I can make my point. No, I'm not afraid of becoming some sad person that spends more time with his computer than with actually living. I'm not addicted.

But many people are addicted. And I don't mean addicted to computers - that happens too (click), but that was just my link to the first bit of Big News: I got myself an internship with an addiction treatment facility! They treat drug, alcohol and gambling addictions. I've been very busy getting this internship, and arranging all the things that come with it - contracts, courses to follow, people to notify, etc. That's the main reason for not blogging very often. I hope you forgive me now.

By the way, it will probably mean that I won't be blogging very often in the near future, either. So please be patient with me; I haven't lost the will to blog, I just haven't the time.

And the second bit of Big News, and the main reason for the Par-Tay, is that last Saturday, me and my girlfriend were officially one year together! I love her so much, and we spent the day shopping in downtown Amsterdam (we both like shopping), having a drink at the same place we did exactly a year earlier, and we had dinner in a comfy Greek restaurant called Aphrodite. Yes, we had a blast. And soon we'll be going to the Rotterdam Zoo, because she gave me tickets!

So, my blog entry isn't as long as you might expect after such a long absence. But hey, deal with it.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Friday, 18 August 2006

I'm back

Hello again. It's me.

Well, obviously. It's my blog site. But still.

I've been on holiday for the past three weeks or so, hence the lack of blog entries on this page. I hope you will understand.

This entry is all about letting you, the reader, know that I haven't disappeared or anything. I will blog again; just not right now, because I'm working hard on finding a job and an internship. Lots of things to do and not much time to blog as well. So entries will be few, I'm afraid.

Don't panic; I didn't fall off the edge of the world or anything. I'm still here. Just be patient.

The boy has no patience...

Was I any different, at that age?

Just wait and see. I'll go back to regular blogging time before you can say "hopscotch" the way the Corpse Bride says it.

P.S. Coming soon: my holiday blog. All the pictures and stories, in one place on the net. I'll keep you informed about when it's ready.

Sunday, 16 July 2006

Fan fiction

Hello there. I've written this piece of Star Wars fan fiction, and I thought you might be interested.

Here's the link.

Here's the story, too:

Tears of a Jedi

In one of the Jedi Temple’s countless rooms, Natalya Ooba was meditating. It was something she used to do frequently, but lately she just didn’t have the time for it anymore. Or the right mood.

She liked meditation; the freedom it gave her from the goings-on in the galaxy beyond the Temple walls. She was completely at one with herself and the Force. Let the Force flow through you, Master Yoda always said, and she could definitely feel it do so. It had always come easily and naturally for her, which had sometimes given her a feeling of guilt towards some of her less talented fellow students. Perhaps that was why she was so eager to give them counsel and guidance.

She let her mind expand through the Force, sensing everything in a wide range around her. Padawans nearby were sleeping and others, further away, were training. Several Jedi were meditating like her; their minds acknowledging her in passing. She heard the librarians discussing a rediscovered holocron; elsewhere, a baby being calmed by a Jedi nurse; and two Masters quietly debating the nature of the Force. At the edges of her senses, the eternal city of Coruscant buzzed and hummed to its own intricate melody.

She felt a familiar presence approaching. Without opening her eyes, she sensed Master Yoda enter the meditation room and slowly make his way to the vacant seat across from hers. His cane made a short thud every time it hit the floor; thud, thud, thud. His panting could clearly be heard, too. It seemed to be getting worse, Natalya thought. His age must be catching up with him.

She heard how Yoda tried to climb onto the seat and had trouble doing so. Unlike the one in his own private quarters, this seat was almost as high as Yoda himself. Natalya knew better than to offer help, but she did wonder for a brief moment why he didn’t just do it the easy way and use the Force. She already knew his answer, though – “because it is easy”.

Eventually he settled down and started to meditate.

They sat there together, enjoying the silence, the Force, and each other’s company. His glowing presence was comforting and reassuring to Natalya. His ancient mind touched hers, and they exchanged some minor thoughts. Memories of times past and experiences shared. The time when she was an apprentice. His teachings, and her understanding of them.

That last agonised look in her padawan’s eyes.

She opened her eyes and let out a sigh.

“Master, it’s so hard! I keep thinking of him. Those final moments. They torment me.”

Yoda looked at her. It was difficult to read his emotions.

“I know what you have taught me about death, and about the Dark Side, but it is so hard now that I have faced them. So different.”

“Yes,” the old Jedi said, “easy to learn, it is, when sitting in a safe room you are. But when in real life, easy it is not.”

“I knew that the Dark Side is evil and seductive, but I had never realised just how much so. I was caught off guard - by the depth of his anger and hatred. I never thought for an instant he’d do something like this.”

Yoda nodded. “Nor the Council. Surprised, we were. Upset. But done it is. Over. Move on, you must.”

“But it’s so hard,” Natalya said again.

“Easy being a Jedi, it is not. Warned you, I did.”

Yes, he had warned her. In fact, it had been the first time she met the charismatic old Master. Her mind wandered back to that day.

Being probably three standard years old, she had been crying on her bed after finding out she would never see her parents again. Teachers trying to comfort her had come and gone. She had not wanted to be comforted; she had wanted to see her parents. So what if she hardly remembered them?

Then Master Yoda had entered. Natalya had looked up for a brief moment, tears streaming down her cheeks, and what she had seen was an old, wrinkled creature, barely taller than she was, slowly but deliberately walking past the sliding doors. For some strange reason he had reminded her of an overgrown toad. Using his cane to lean on, he hadn’t looked like a great Jedi Master, but rather like a grandfather of sorts. A little green grandfather. She had decided not to stop crying because of him.

Contrary to the others, Master Yoda had sat down in a chair across the room and had remained there, waiting. He had waited for over a standard hour, until finally she had had enough.

“Aren’t you going to say I should stop crying?” she had asked, angrily.

“No,” the wise old Master had replied.

“Then why are you here?”

“To talk, I have come. When ready you are.”

She had smiled, her crying ceased for the moment.

“You talk funny.”

He had returned the smile, lovingly. Slowly he had come to her bedside. From the folds of his robes he had taken a handkerchief to wipe her eyes with, which she had taken, reluctantly but gratefully.

“Yoda, my name is.”

She had nodded, and then realised that he was waiting for a reply.

“Natalya,” she had spoken softly.

“Good,” he had replied, suddenly making ready to leave. “Return to your class, you will, then?”


“Talk, we shall. Later.”

With that, the Jedi Master had departed, leaving her dumbfounded. Who was that strange creature?

She smiled to herself at the thought. The Grand Master of the Jedi Order had a way with people.

Later that day, after her classes had ended, he had returned to talk with her. She had calmed down, but still had many questions. After some idle chatter, he had gotten to the heart of her concerns.

“Your parents; see them you can not.”

“But Master, why not?”

The short but powerful Jedi had looked at her with a look she hadn’t recognised.

“Know you what a duck is, Natalya?”

She had nodded.

“Like a duck, you are. Learn to swim, you must.”

“And my parents?”

“Follow you, they should not. For swim, they can not. If follow you, they do - drown, they will. And you, too.” Yoda had sighed, closing his eyes. “The life of a Jedi, hard it is. Difficult. Not without dangers. But the best life there is.”

“Why is that?”

His eyes had opened again and focused on hers. “By letting go of them, help many more, you can. If the will of the Force it is.”

If the will of the Force it is… Natalya wondered what the will of the Force really was. Did it want her padawan to turn to the Dark Side? Did it want her to face him? Did the Force even have a will? Was it perhaps just some random pattern? To test her; to torment her?

“Yes, you did warn me, Master. But I couldn’t make such a decision at that age, could I? To become a Jedi – I had no idea what it would mean. That this would happen.”

She regretted the harshness of her words, but they had been spoken now. Too late to take them back.

Yoda sighed.

“Big decisions – wait for the right moment, they do not.”

“But you forced it on me!”

“Regret your decision, do you?”

Natalya started to form a reply, but realised she didn’t know what to say. Did she regret her decision? Had she rather become something else; a common girl with a common job, a common house and a common life? Or was the life of a Jedi, difficult as it was, the way for her?

“I – don’t know. This life is the only one I know. I mean, I know about how other people live, but it’s always been something that happens to others. I haven’t got a clue how to live any other way, but I think, sometimes, that it could be so much easier. Less complicated.”

Yoda nodded.

“The trials we face – large they seem. Huge. But only in your mind. Take a step back, you must. These obstacles – insignificant they are.”

“But I wouldn’t have to face them if I wasn’t a Jedi.”

“Think you that other people have no difficulties? A life of bliss and peace, they lead? Not so, Master Ooba!”

With that, Master Yoda closed his eyes and started to meditate again.

“That’s true, I guess,” Natalya said. “It just seems so impossible to handle. I mean – why did he have to do this, Master? Was it just an ‘obstacle’, a trial? Was it the will of the Force? I have difficulty believing that, to be honest. He was a good student. A potentially great Jedi. Why did he throw all that away?”

The old Master didn’t speak. He had heard her, hadn’t he? Did he expect her to figure it out herself? She decided to try.

“I know what the Jedi code teaches us. There is no emotion; there is peace. But I have seen emotions in my padawan that were real, and deep, and frightening. Anger, and hatred. Jealousy. And I don’t even know why.

There is no passion; there is serenity. Well, I have seen passion in him; a burning fire. The calm and serene lake that was his nature had made way for wild oceans of chaos and turmoil. Dark emotions running wild. I was scared like a youngling.

“And as for there being no death: I have seen him die; I am the very person who brought about his end! How can I not mourn, or miss? How can I rejoice for him, now that he has become one with the Force? I – I can’t. I just can’t.”

She didn’t know what more to say. All the things she had learned seemed so far away from her, like the tiniest of lights in a pitch dark world. Like she had woken up from a dream, and real life was a nightmare.

“Natalya,” Yoda said, whispering, “ages have I lived. Thousands of Jedi trained. Countless mistakes made and witnessed. Follow the Force, I say. Tell you its will, it does. The Jedi way, that is.”

“To blindly follow the Force? But then what’s the point? How do we even know we’re doing the right thing?”

Yoda opened his eyes and looked into hers, worried. Wary.

“Mindful of your feelings you must be, Master Ooba.”

“I’m sorry, Master. I guess I haven’t come to terms with all that has transpired yet. I keep thinking of how things could have been different. Of how I could’ve prevented his fall. But I can’t figure it out.”

Her padawan had been a young and eager Chiss called Rhigo. His interests in the lore of the Jedi and the nature of the Force were extensive, but sadly his skills were lacking. He was more of a philosopher than an active Force user. And fine with that.

Natalya had always felt close to Rhigo, and it had come as a complete surprise when he had suddenly turned against her. It had happened on their first mission together on Alderaan; a simple border dispute.

On the last day before their return to Coruscant, he had confronted her.

“You’ve never wanted me, did you?”

He had entered her quarters without her noticing, standing just a few steps away from her. He had had an angry look on his face, his red eyes burning. She had been overwhelmed by his feelings of hurt and fury.

“Please don’t sneak up on people like that,” Jomm Bibla had said, getting up. He was a handsome Jedi Knight of barely two years younger than her, whom she had known since he had come to seek her counsel several years before. They had met him upon arriving and had spent several evenings with him.

“Never wanted you?” Natalya had also gotten up from the bench she and Jomm had been sitting on. Rhigo had looked so frightening to her. “I had specifically asked the Council for you to be my padawan!”

“It’s not that and you know it,” Rhigo had whispered. His hair had been all messy; his braid undone. Sweat had tainted the edges of his tunic. “You’ve never wanted me. Not the way I’ve wanted you.”


Rhigo had switched on his blue lightsabre, its glow illuminating the dark room. Natalya had started crying.

“What are you doing,” Jomm had said, “turn that off. You don’t want to –”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Rhigo had turned to him, pointing his sabre to Jomm’s throat. “You, of all people!”

“Rhigo,” Natalya had screamed, tears flowing freely now. “Don’t do this!”

He hadn’t taken his eyes off of Jomm. “I’ve seen the way you look at him. The way you two act. Those pathetic late night ‘conversations’. Don’t take me for a fool; I know very well what’s going on!”

“Rhigo,” Jomm had ventured uneasily, “I can assure you; nothing is going on!”


Rhigo had turned his eyes towards Natalya. She had seen how he had fought his tears back. Jomm had seized the opportunity; grabbing his sabre and igniting it.

And very soon after had had his head cut off.

The rest was like a dream to Natalya; a collage of images and feelings. She had screamed, Rhigo had screamed; they had fought. Eventually her superior skills had won from his raw hatred.

She hadn’t meant to kill him, but he had kept on attacking her. Hurting her, both physically and mentally. She had had no choice. It had been the only way. But she had regretted it ever since.

“How did it come to this, Master?” Natalya was crying softly. Reliving those moments was hard, but she knew it was the best thing to do. Trembling, she looked down at her left hand. Its scars were starting to heal. It made her feel even guiltier. All physical evidence of the events was fading.

“A dark Jedi, Rhigo met on Alderaan. Stirred up his jealousy, she did. Told him lies about you. Infuriated him.” Yoda looked at her, saddened.

“I know.”

The Council had told her about this woman, and how after these events she had been confronted by a young Master called Mace Windu. She was no longer a threat to anyone.

“Loved you, he did.”

“How could I have known,” Natalya replied. “No – how could I not have known! It was so obvious!”

“Foresee this, you could not have. For now, one question remains,” Yoda said, getting ready to leave.

“What is that, Master?”

Natalya watched him climb down from his seat awkwardly. Some other time she might have laughed, but it didn’t look nearly as funny through tear-clouded eyes.

He moved towards the doors; thud, thud, thud. Then the old Jedi Master paused, and without looking back, said: “What decision you will make. A Jedi, will you be?”

As Yoda left the chamber, Natalya remained quiet. Contemplating.

A Jedi, will you be?

Just the one decision.

Keep being a Jedi, living the life you know and love. Get to terms with all that has transpired and become a better person.

Or leave the Order to become someone else. To avoid the past. A simpler life.

Move on, or move away.

A Jedi, will you be?

He made it sound so easy, but it wasn’t! There was a lot more to it than that! But then again, it was a start. Big problems are best solved piece by piece. Once she had made this decision, her path might be clearer.

A Jedi…

In one of the Jedi Temple’s countless rooms, Natalya Ooba started crying again. Tears of pain, of loss, of joy.

She smiled. She had made her decision.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes…”

Wednesday, 28 June 2006

New: Bitemarks

Well, not really new. More like improved.

You may, or you may have not noticed I changed the word "comments" to "bitemarks" on this blog. I like that. Not only does it mean my tampering with html and stuff has paid off; it also means that they're called more logically. You know.. DragonFang, Dragon's Breath... Bitemarks! :)

Also, instead of taking you to a different page, they appear underneath the original post when you click on them. Try it. It's fun.

Friday, 23 June 2006

Honestly, there could be tears


What does that mean to you? What do you envision?

Do you envision yourself like a Buddhist monk, meditating cross-legged in a perfectly silent room, candles and incense burning around you, achieving a higher state of conscienceness and relaxation?

Do you envision a natural paradise; birds singing in tall trees, young monkeys playing and chasing each other around, lions resting in the shades?

Or do you perhaps envision a starship, shaped like an insect, falling to the surface of some planet, spinning out of control, with its crew trying hard to prevent it from crashlanding? Because that is what I envision these days.

The starship, a Firefly class ship called Serenity, and its crew are the subject of the series Firefly and the movie Serenity, created by Joss Whedon. Yes, the one who made the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series.

As you may or may not know, today is Serenity Day. That means we are celebrating this magnificent series and that marvelous movie. Everyone interested is encouraged, no, obliged to buy the movie, convert other people, and generally make yourselves heard. To the public; to the networks that took the series off the air; to everyone listening. Today is Serenity Day. Let's celebrate. Let's buy. Let's show them good things do not need to go to waste; that quality TV series do not need to be cancelled. Join the Browncoats.

Shiny. Let's be bad guys.

This whole Firefly business was completely unknown to me a few months back. I had never heard of it, because it never aired in the Netherlands. Serenity, the movie, was released here but I never thought twice about it; campaigning never really took off, I guess. It's odd and kind of embarrassing to think campaigning has such an impact on what I do or do not watch, but I guess that's just the way it is. Luckily, there was the PLB, which brought this whole thing to my attention, and here I am, writing my Serenity blog.

So. What should I write? Hmm...

Recently there have been some great entries concerning Serenity and Firefly (for example: this, that and this) and today will see many more, I'm sure. I'm not sure if I can write an entry that can compare. But I will try!

I can blog about how I can't find Firefly in my country, and how it took me weeks to find out it was never released here and can only be purchased through the internet at ridiculous prices. Or how I rented Serenity, just to be sure I like it when I buy it - and I will buy it, later today. Or I could compare the 'verse to the galaxy far, far away, but it wouldn't be fair. Like comparing apples and oranges.

So I started thinking. What is the first thing I think about, when I think of Serenity? Two things, really - Joss Whedon's sense of humour, and great characters. Well, one of those will have to do, then.

Joss Whedon's sense of humour is great - any of you who have seen the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, can relate to that. I especially loved Xander's wit and sarcasm:
"I laugh in the face of danger - then hide until it goes away."

It is also very clear in Serenity:
Mal: "We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then - explode. "

But the aforementioned characters - those are the real gems. Of course they would be - it's based on a whole season of Firefly. I haven't seen the series yet, but I am fascinated with the movie nevertheless. All of the characters are great - I think Jayne is really cool - but there's one that really stands out for me.


Yes, the one, the only, River Tam. She's a mystery, an enigma. A seventeen year old girl with a history that is - complicated. I'm trying to keep this spoiler free, so that will have to do.

When I think of River, I see both a scared little girl and a ruthless fighter. I see a girl, lying somewhere in the Serenity, trying to stop the outside world from getting in. I see a warrior with skills that surpass everything anyone in the 'verse has ever seen. I see a little sister to an overly protective brother. I see conflict, lots of conflict. Both inside of her, and because of her, and because of what she knows - or might know.

Like I said, she's an enigma. Both little girl and coldblooded killer. It is that combination that is powerful and yes, it does remind one of Buffy sometimes, but only on a superficial level.

If there's any fighting, you fall down or run away. It's okay to leave them to die.

River's opinions are never explicitly stated in the movie. It is strongly suggested, but never truly stated how she feels about Serenity or its crew. I find this fascinating; after all, she is sort of part of the team, yet independent of it. She might very well make it on her own - or maybe not - but she sticks with a raggedy crew with a dubious reputation.

And she does have arguments with the crewmembers, but not in the usual sense. Jayne wasn't very happy about her being back aboard the ship, for example. Oddly, he never spoke his concerns to her directly. I think maybe, just maybe, Jayne was scared of this girl. Of course he would never admit to that, being all rough and tough, but I think deep down he was really frightened by this girl, who moved with such deadly speed.

And in a way, he would be right. Because she was far from predictable. But that's the fun about her, to us as viewers.

I like River.

I like Serenity. And you will, too - just buy the movie and watch. You will not be disappointed. Trust me.

In the end, there can only be one quote.

I'm a leaf on the wind - watch how I soar.

Monday, 19 June 2006

Who's your daddy...

This, and much much more at Off The!

Sorry to bore you with more cartoons, but I happen to find them very funny. And I do not have the time to conjure up some longer, serious blog entries about deep things. So cartoons it is, for now.

Wednesday, 14 June 2006

Tuesday, 13 June 2006

May the cartoons be with you

More cartoons of the Star Wars kind. Hope you like.

Thursday, 8 June 2006


Big news today: Iraqi al-Qaeda leader al-Zarqawi has been killed (; Political leaders from across the globe were happy and relieved, and said (among other things) that it's "a great success for Iraq and the global war on terror", "a happy day for Iraq, the Iraqi people, and all free people", and "a significant victory".

Excuse me?

Perhaps it's just me, but isn't it wrong to celebrate the death of a person? Isn't this exactly what those terrorists do? How are we supposed to be the "good guys", when we commit the same attrocities? I'm not saying this man was innocent, misunderstood or confused. He was a terrorist; one of the worst ones, I believe. But we should never celebrate the death of another human being, or we will become just like them! I hope people will finally learn this.

It reminds me of what's happening in Israel/Palestine. Both sides commit horrible bloody crimes against one another, leading to reactions of violence again. It doesn't even matter who's right anymore; both sides are wrong. Why can they not agree? A Jewish state, and a Palestinian state. Apparently neither side are willing to give up on the Promised Land, so why not just draw a line and call it a border? One both parties can agree on, of course. No more settlers into foreign territories (never have I felt pity for those that were removed from their illegal settlements), and no more suicide bombers (never has any politician changed his mind because of it).

Ah, I'm so frustrated with these insane policies. I could go on and on, but no-one that can change it, is going to read this anyway. Maybe countries, or communities, would work better if they were smaller. Maybe then democracy can really bloom; when everyone knows what their peers think of things, and can together reach a compromise. Democracy cannot be enforced upon people; it wouldn't be democracy anymore.

Just two more things before I get down from my soapbox.

First, it seems that CIA flights have taken place across Europe afterall. Some countries have even cooperated with the transport, alleged imprisonment and torture of terrorist suspects. Of course, Washington has immediately denied any such claims.

Am I the only one who is concerned by this? People accused of terrorism or connections to terrorist networks, not even convicted, are probably transported across the globe and possibly tortured for information. Information gathered by torture is known to be unreliable, and probably leads to false leads, which leads to even more people arrested and undergone the same treatment. Or sent to Guantanamo Bay, where similar suspects have been imprisoned for over 4 years without trial. Innocent, harmless people are being held there and from what we've heard, it's not a great place to be jailed.

Okay, one more thing and I'm done for the day.

You might have heard about Ayaan Hirsi Ali. She is, or rather, was a Dutch politician. Being apparently quite popular among foreign reporters, it might have been surprising that she is not that loved in the Netherlands.

She is an outspoken person, who often criticises the Islam. Theo van Gogh, the controversial filmmaker that was murdered as a terrorist act, was a good friend of her, and Ali recieved death threats from fundamentalist Muslims, too. Ali has been a defender of freedom of speech, and therefore, her leaving the country is internationally regarded as a telltale sign that freedom of speech in the Netherlands is declining.

Here are some comments from one who lives in this oppressive country without freedoms. Yes, me.

Ayaan Hirsi Ali (or whatever her true name is) is not the great politician you apparently think she is. She just shouts rude remarks about the Islam, among which that it is "a retarded culture". These do not seem to be based on arguments or evidence, but rather on her personal beliefs. Sure, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, and freedom of speech is exactly that, but why needlessly insult people? Engage in discussions, don't impose your views on others.

Agreed, reveiving death threats for voicing your opinion is just wrong. But insulting is wrong, too, and only leads to polarisation. You're not winning the debate like that. I believe she is responsible for at least some of the polarisation within the Dutch Muslim population.

Another thing. Hirsi Ali did not leave the country because of "growing clamour from both the Muslim and the secular communities to silence her", but because she had lied. Lied about her name, and the reason for fleeing her home country. Lying in official documents about being a refugee. Because of this, she was never truly a Dutch woman, because the name on her passport (or whatever she's got) is not her name. She had to leave the country because of lying.

I, for one, am glad she left the country. I might not agree with the refugee policy all the time, but I do feel no exception should be made for her.

So, good people of the United States of America: enjoy her stay. Let me know if you appreciate her still after a year or so.

Okay, I know. The soapbox goes back under the bed. I just had to get it off my chest.

Wednesday, 7 June 2006