Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Next gen Star Wars

I'm here to rescue you... honest!

So as I was crashing through the window in my X-wing, I was -

Wait, you're probably oblivious to what the hell I'm talking about. Nevermind, then. You should've been there.

So what can I show you today? No, ladies, that's private. Yes, that too. Good try, though. No, miss, in that picture Artoo Detoo does NOT look like a - I know, but it isn't. And neither is that Jawa doing anythi- you perv. How dare you? Go hither and multiply, or something. Geez.

As I was saying: what can I show you today? You tell me. What do you want to see? Tell me. Anything.

(This offer is only available today, Tuesday 30 January 2007 West European time, and does not imply any action will be taken by the dragon in question unless you really really try hard to convince him that it is, indeed, the right thing to do, included but not limited to listen to you and to act upon any request. Financial or medical consequences for eye damage due to reading this small font will not be compensated in any way. )

Fine print if ever there was any.

Come on, bring me that request! Want me to bring down a regime? Want me to expose Bigfoot? Show the first astromech? Reveal a Jawa's face?

Show you the real me?

Your choice! Choose wisely. Be careful what you wish for - you just might get it.

Monday, 29 January 2007

Star Wars Reinterpreted

Sunday, 28 January 2007

Mah nah mah nah...

I hate progress

Today I switched my Blogger account.

Such a simple statement, such a simple action. But trust me, a lot of effort has gone into trying to avoid this moment.

There are a couple of group blogs I'm a member of, most notably the Fanfic Blog, and they have not switched yet. Therefore I had the intention to stay "old school" until the moment they upgraded. However, I had not foreseen the powers of persuasion that Blogger can excercise. Very powerful indeed.

Today I tried to post a blog. I don't even remember on which site. However, upon logging in, I was notified that I have not switched yet. I know this. However, where there had previously been an option to continue with the old account, was none to be found.

I had to switch, or I wouldn't be able to blog.

Power of persuasion. Or forced decisions? Either way, I decided my blog was more important that Blogger politics. I switched. I don't know if I made the right decision, but at least I'm able to blog again. Over here. Not on the old group blogs.

I hate progress.

Scratch that, I hate forced progress. Change can be good, but may occasionally be bad for the changed. I don't know whether this will be good or bad. I say, let's find out.

No turning back now. You have passed the point of no return. It's all or nothing. You're in for the ride, for better or worse.

Here goes nothing.

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

Dragon business, back to your drinks...

It's a hard life, being a dragon on the internet. I know you don't believe me, but it is.

I mean, it's so hard to keep your own identity between all those competitors. Have you ever tried googling "dragon"? Trust me, I won't be on any of the first 700 pages.

There's too much competition on the web. How is a simple dragon, trying to make his way on the net, to get the attention he craves? It's dragon overdose, I tell you.

Plus all my friends get slain by knights in shiny armour. Don't you hate it when that happens? And they never even bury the bones; I mean, that's just gross. And they call themselves civilized. Yeah, sure.

The only good part about this job is the treasure. And you know it, not all treasure is silver and gold. The maidens in distress - that's my true motivation right there. Long flowing strands of golden hair, with a face like an angel, and a voice that goes "eeeeeeh" when you even look at them. Life's good when you've got maidens. Just too bad they keep trying to escape when you're taking a nap. Perhaps it's time to contact that evil stepmother again, to place some more curses so I have to "guard" those lovely ladies in that remote fortress. Well, last time didn't end so great, so I might have to think twice.

And scaring horses is always funny. Just too bad their owners keep on sending those slayers. I hate dragon slayers. If there's one thing I hate more than kids thinking they can ride on my back...

Last of all, I'm having a very hard time typing the words right with these massive claws. It takes hours just completing a sentence without accidentally typing "jessljkjklsdjkdf".

The hidden tortures of being a dragon on the internet in the year 2007. Please love me more now. I'll not eat you, no matter what they say. Just small bites every now and then.

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

How To Become A Goth In 10 Easy Steps

To become that icon of style, that rolemodel of vampires and corpses alike, follow these ten simple rules and you'll live the rest of your undead life as a certified goth!

Step 1: Dye your hair. Black. Other colours, like red, white or green, take many years of experience and must never be combined with anything other than black clothes (see step 2). Highlights are acceptable if the colours are not too flashy.

Step 2: Change your wardrobe. Black is your new middle name. Colour must be avoided at all costs, with the exception of dark red. White is only acceptable if it makes up less than 5% of your total look. Anything that would be fitting for a Romanticistic noble(wo)man, if black, is acceptable. Combine this with anything from modern S&M, like chains on your trousers or handcuffs connected to a collar.

Step 3: Change your record collection. Throw out the Beach Boys, the Spice Girls, the Beasty Boys, and everything else that has "boys" or "girls" in it. Anything that is remotely cheerful has got to go. Instead, buy Cradle of Filth, Evanescence, Marilyn Manson and Bad Religion. Anything that has a weird name, looks weird, sounds like someone clearing their throat and which your parents will never ever accept in the living room.

Step 4: Throw your morals out the window, too. Being a goth means you're a slut (male/female). Consider it your only chance at getting laid looking like that.

Step 5: Paint your nails. Yes, this goes for guys too - in fact, you're lucky, since this is probably the only subculture to accept it besides the local transvestites. Black is again the colour to choose.

Step 6: Paint your face. As surprising as it may be, it'll not be black, but white. Imagine you've been indoors without seeing the sun for a very very long time - which is probably true.

Step 7: Additional makeup includes eyelashes (black), dyed eyebrows (black), and lipstick (black - or, if you're a real pro, red). This is not mandatory for guys, but encouraged. Dark eyes are compulsary, though. Coloured contact lenses are optional for both male and female.

Step 8: Get pierced. You know, those pieces of metal through skin - they go into every part of you that one can imagine. And I know you can imagine quite many places. Yes, including that and those. At the very least, have a ring in your nose or eyebrow - preferably both, connected by a silvery chain. But know that there is no such thing as "too many piercings". And yes, people will find out (see step 4).

Step 9: Act like you're high on cannabis - which is probably true. This means you criticize and complain about everything (particularly physical exercise), sit around all day doing nothing, and talk at great length about next to nothing.

And finally, step 10: You talk, think, sing, act and write about only one thing: death. It is the sole topic of conversation. Celebrate it, adore it, worship it, fear it, overcome it - your life evolves around death. And the best thing is that you even look like it.

You are now a certified goth!

But don't cheer - goths don't cheer.

P.S. I did write a serious piece on goths, located here.

Monday, 22 January 2007

Power to the people

Fundamentally, governments exist to serve and protect their people. The basis of democratic government is that people choose some men and women from their midst to make decisions, so that these can be made quickly and pragmatically. In this way, governments, or rather their members, are elected because they stand for what the people want. That's what we call "democracy".

It is not democratic, however, for a government to stay in office when a majority is against it. A change in policy would be, but you can't expect a conservative to work on progressive policies, so the most logical thing to do would be to withdraw and organize new elections. And not to hide behind some bureaucratic rules about "ending your term", just because some other government at some other time thought that would be the responsible thing to do.

A referendum must be created, that can force a government to step down.

However, the trouble doesn't end there. These new elections - the ultimate democratic process, say you? A puppet show, says I.

How much of either party's points of view do you know and remember from the last election in your country? In any country? And how much have you heard about how good/bad/reliable/unreliable any candidate is? And, be honest, have you considered voting for someone that is not the pretty posterboy/girl?

Look deeper. Think for yourself. Take charge.

Viva la revoluciĆ³n!

Saturday, 20 January 2007

Up for a challenge?

May I please point your attention this way, to the event of the year, the ultimate clash of the titans?

Or not.

But please, if you are interested, and I'm guessing you are, you might be interested in the Fanfiction Challenge 2007 over on Fanfic For Bloggers. I'll be both the host and one of the competing writers. If you have a work to contribute and you're not (yet) a member, contact me and I'll see what I can do. And if you're not a writer, you can at least have a good time reading all the other stuff.

Trust me, it's gonna be good. Like chocolate, but better.

Friday, 19 January 2007

Tuesday, 16 January 2007

Goth the life

Somehow I've managed to not talk about one of my other fascinations. That is shocking to me, since it's possibly an even bigger obsession than Star Wars and blogging together. I know, it's that bad.

I've always been a fan of fantasy and the line between reality and makebelieve is one I find very interesting indeed. And as macabre as it may sound, the role death plays in that.

Sounds creepy? I bet. But I've always been fascinated by so-called "gothic novels" and the gothic subculture.

And vampires.

Vampires and the goth lifestyle are often associated, for obvious reasons. Goth wear black clothes, often oldfashioned style, dye their hair black and pale their faces. The resemblance to an undead corpse isn't that farfetched.

However, both vampires and goths are often misinterpreted. When talking about vampires, people quickly start to talk about stakes, garlic and full moons. Full moons? That's werewolves for you. Their ancient enemy. But vampires are fascinating. I once did an essay on them, and discovered that although cultures around the world have their own sort of vampires - just like dragons - they are all just a bit different.

So what defines a vampire?

Is it being a walking corpse? Nah, some cultures believe in vampires that have nonhuman origins, or no origin in life at all. Is it the human appearance? Nah, some believe in vampires made of flames. Is it the seducing aspect? Nah, some vampires are just plain gross. Kind of like zombies.

Is it the blooddrinking? There are some creatures that do not drink blood, yet they are most definately vampires.

So what defines a vampire?

And what defines a goth?

Goth, in my opinion, is misinterpreted by many people, even goths. Does that sound ridiculous? I'm sure. But please realize just how many people just try to fit in, even in such small and remarkable groups. However, misunderstanding is more common amongst those who are not gothics.

I once had a conversation with a religious woman who had read about goths, yet she never had encountered any. She was appalled, yet fascinated. Of course the article, in a christian magazine, was not too objective, and often reminded readers that some goths deny god, or are satanists. And I explained, that the essence of goth is not that.

Goth, in essence, is a philosophical view of life, in which death is acknowledged as the ultimate certainty. Every being is subject to death, human and animal alike, and also angels, demons and gods. Goths are not religious by that view, since they do not see any god or devil as mightier than death. Satanists are not gothics.

However, the misunderstanding stems from that view of death. Many people think gothics are fascinated by death, yet the opposite is true. In accepting the finality of death, gothics take more pleasure in life.

Gothics enjoy life on a more conscious level than most of us.

I know there are people that call themselves goths and disagree with this. But in essence, this is what gothic is all about. Misunderstanding comes from too few explanations from the gothic subculture, but also because people don't bother to look under the eerie surface.

I would call myself gothic if it wasn't for the fact that I don't wear makeup. I do like dark medieval-looking clothes, and I love the silvery jewelry with pentacles and such. I am not fascinated by death, yet I am fascinated by vampires. The nightstalking undead, caught between their previous lives and the death they cannot reach. The ultimate exception to the ultimate truth.

Please don't look down on goths ever again.

Monday, 15 January 2007

Booze and boobs

So I was thinking, like, seriously... I uhm... This thought... Did you ever... Let's talk about... no...

Oh, screw the text. I just needed an excuse to post this picture. Lovely ladies. With beer. What more could a guy want?

Yes, except food. But Germans have very good food.

Yes, right there. Big pints of lager.

Saturday, 13 January 2007

Iraq policy

I'll let other people do the talking.

"The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he's made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he's planning to make the same mistakes again."
Jay Leno

"Bush is going to send more troops to Iraq. That's the solution. And I was thinking, you think he'd being doing this if he were still in the National Guard."
David Letterman

"People who watched the speech said President Bush looked uncomfortable. And I was thinking, of course -- he was in a library surrounded by books."
David Letterman

"After hearing the president's speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush's deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, 'Huh?'"
Conan O'Brien

"President Bush also said that all the military commanders who have looked at his plan say it will work. That's because all the ones who said it wouldn't work aren't military commanders anymore."
Jay Leno

"Ted Kennedy attacked the president. He said Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. Which is very unfair. There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam."
Jay Leno

"President Bush is now calling for sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq. How does he come up with that number? I don't even think 21,000 people in the country think it's a good idea."
Jay Leno

Thursday, 11 January 2007

A question for intellectuals

So, there's this one particular question that has come up in a conversation I had a while ago. While it is most certainly meant for intelligent people, I've decided to let you guys and gals know, too. Don't ask me why. So... on to the question.

You're driving a car, at a constant speed, with on your left side an abyss.

To the right of you, a car from the fire brigade is driving at the same constant speed and appears to want to pass you.

In front of you, a huge pig, even bigger than your car, is running at the same constant speed.

Behind you flies a helicopter, just above the ground, at again the same constant speed.

The question is this: how can you stop without causing any accident?

Please, think about it.

Then click here.

Wednesday, 10 January 2007

This is your life

And you open the door and step inside. We're inside our hearts. Now imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light. That's right - your pain, the pain itself, is a white ball of healing light.

I don't think so.

This is your life - good to the last drop. It doesn't get any better than this. This is your life - and it's ending, one minute at a time. This isn't a seminar. This isn't a weekend retreat. Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. Nothing is static. Everything is appalling. Everything is falling apart. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life. This is your life. Doesn't get any better than this. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life! This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all part of the same compost heap. We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world.

You are not your bank account. You are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your grande latte. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fuckin' khaki's.

You have to give up. You have to give up. You have to realize that someday you will die - until you know that, you are useless.

I say: let me never be complete. I say: may I never be content. I say: deliver me from Swedish furniture. I say: deliver me from clever arts. I say: deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth. I say: you have to give up. I say: evolve, and let the chips fall where they may. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life! This is your life. Doesn't get any better than this. This is your life.

This is your life - this is your life - this is your life. And it - and it's ending. One minute at a time. You have to give up. You have to give up.

I want you to hit me - as hard as you can. I want you to hit me as hard as you can!

Welcome to Fight Club. If this is your first night - you have to fight.

Monday, 8 January 2007

Dead of night

In dead of night
you're such a sight.
Undress just right,
red hot delight.

And then, of course,
you're on all fours.
I shove with force.
You're mine; I'm yours.

You're right: quite tight.
My head grows light.
You bite, I fight,
your thighs ignite.

At once I spurt.
Ask if you're hurt;
you have not heard.
I re-insert.

Sunday, 7 January 2007

The dark days after the holidays

It's all over now.

No more Christmas for several months. New year has come, and the celebrations have died down. Not even a holiday in the near future to look forward to.

The dark days after the holidays, that's what we're in right now. The partying has ended, the days grow longer again, winter is still upon us, and nothing worth celebrating coming soon.

Dark days, and cold.

Personally, if I had the chance to decide when the holidays would be, I would have them more regularly. Or at least more often during the winter. But sadly, it's not up to me.

Did you know that most Christian holidays, like Christmas and Eastern, are on the exact same dates as older pagan holidays? The tree at Christmas isn't exactly a Christian symbol. And what do you think you celebrate at Halloween? Pagan celebrations. Heathen. Polytheistic. Witches.

It's an amazing piece of agressive propaganda of the early Christian church to place its most sacred holidays on the days that older religions had. People didn't even have to change their agendas if they got converted to Christianity. Same holiday, different god. Religion of convenience.

What do you think of when you hear or read "devil"? The incarnation, I mean. Do you think of a multi-headed monster, or a man with a goat's horns and hooves? In the latter case, you're deceived. Nowhere in the bible is this creature described, but it is in fact a pagan god. Talk about demonising your enemy.

Now, I'm not discrediting today's Christianity. That's for another blog... But seriously, it's merely an attempt at learning about religion's early days. To know the future, you must know the past.

Remember when next time you're celebrating a pagan holiday...

Games not make one great

Remember my Christmas wishlist back in September?

Unexpectedly, I got my wish. Well, not at Christmas, but I bought it myself two days ago. Darn, it is so cool.

I'll be offline for a couple of months, that's all.

Nah, just kidding.

It'll take more than a couple of months.

Thursday, 4 January 2007

It's the eyes, I tell ya

Look into my eyes.

Look deep into my eyes, and relax. Everything around you ceases to matter as you focus on my eyes. Big eyes. Enchanting eyes. Relax, and let your guard down.

Look into my eyes. Relax.

Relax. Listen to the sound of your even breathing. Rest.

Close your eyes.

Your limbs are growing heavy. Let them rest. Let them sleep. Feel your toes, each and every one; feel how they are relaxed. Let them rest.
Feel your legs, both left and right; feel how they are relaxed. Let them rest. Your arms - let them hang by your sides and let them rest. Your stomach - feel how it is relaxed. Let it rest. Your chest - let it sleep. Feel your eyelids resting over your eyes. Feel your chest rise and fall with your steady breath. Listen to the sound of your breath. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Relax.

Move your right hand up and unbutton your shirt. Take it off. Next, off comes the bra. And your jeans. And lastly your panties.

Now, open your legs and relax...

Wednesday, 3 January 2007

Close encounters of the dragon kind

What is it about dragons that fascinates people?

You may well be aware that stories and myths of dragons are common around the world, and that each culture has its own perspective on its looks, personality and significance. But every culture has dragons of some kind.

What does the dragon mean? Is it fear? "Look your dragon in the eyes", "slaying your dragon"; they do remind us of fear. But fear of what, exactly? Our inner phobias? Fear of the uncontrollable nature? The ultimate wild animal? The personification of whatever god, which has the power of life and death over you? The brutest strength, the deadliest killer?

Or is it knowledge? He who befriends or converses with a dragon gets to know a lot about - everything, really. The ways of the world. Magic. The wild. The sorcerer's stone? The elixer of life?

Or is it merely an artistic expression? A thing that looks cool and frightening; something to scare disobedient little children with? A clever combination of animal parts? A symbol in the legend of St George?

A counterpart to mankind's dominance?

A phallus symbol?

It pains me to say it, but I don't know the answer. To me, it is neither of the possiblities above, and yet all of them. Dragons are fear incarnated, knowledge to the ambitious, artistic icon, and just a story element. Everything and nothing.

Another blog with no real answers. Naught but questions remain, which is good. Questions are essential to life. "Where did I come from", "why are we all here anyway" and "why is that gorram lightsaber purple" are the engine of our thinking and surviving.

What does the dragon mean to you?

Tuesday, 2 January 2007

I, Sigmund

I sit in my office, still tired from getting up so early this morning, trying to remember last night’s dreams. It’s no use.

I sit in my office, with a cup of hot coffee on my desk, staring at my computer screen. How come the computer at my home seems so much more pleasurable?

I sit in my office, waiting for the first patient of the day to arrive, checking whether I’ve got everything I need. Yes, it’s still all there.

I sit in my office, looking out the window, and I wonder what the rain would feel like on my face. Pleasurably annoying, I’m sure.

I sit in my office, just like I did yesterday, and I know tomorrow will be the same. And next week, and the one after that.

I sit in my office, my patient arriving, and he starts telling me about his addiction. I listen, take note, remember.

I sit in my office, the patient having left, working on my report on his case. The rain continues to pour.

I love my work.

Monday, 1 January 2007

New Year

Happy 2007.

May this year be at least as good as the last.

May all your wishes come true.

May you live every dream you've ever had, except for the bad ones.

May you live long and prosper.

May you be happy and content.

May you be healthy and wealthy.

May you see many more new years.

And, of course, may you enjoy this blog for many more years!