Letter to a demon

Dear mister Devil,

Hope you're well. I'm doing fine, but there is a philosophical question I've been wanting to ask you for a while.

I know that you're not as evil as people say. I know that you're just a simple guy trying to make a living off of other people's misery. I see that, and I respect that. After all, what else do undertakers, lawyers, policemen, psychologists and politicians do but make a job out of the inherent flaws and mistakes of mankind?

After all, you haven't created man. Nor are you to blame for man's faults.

An alternative to the fluffy goodness is now as necessary and desired as ever. A more realistic view of life, love and death.

However, I have heard several rumors about an exclusive underground resort you supposedly run. This place, often by the name of 'Hades' or 'Hell', is said to be every schoolboy's dream: scantily clad female demons with an open mindedness that surpasses even my own fantasies, geek approved cartloads of awesomeness in degraded outfits and accessories -- like the option to walk around as a walking, groaning, decomposing corpse -- and no consequences for any misbehavior, except perhaps thunderous applause or a better room.

I, for one, can't wait to spend some time there. Did you get my application?

The question I have been wanting to ask you, concerns this supposed resort. Considering the outfits of staff members, residents and demons alike, I guess there is reason to believe that 'Hell' is unlikely to ever "freeze over".

Since I'm all about global warming since that cute girl warned me about the dangers of regular light bulbs -- don't worry, she's in my fridge. Well, parts of her, anyway -- I really am curious about something.

Is there an environmentally-friendly air conditioner in 'Hell'? Can it be turned down at all?

Thanks for replying. You should come over for coffee sometime.

Forever yours (you wish),

DragonFang