About tonight

 We’re both tired, and you appear to agree when I say we should go to bed early. But you pour yourself a whiskey and I guess I already know it won’t be just one glass. 

I kiss you goodnight and ask if you’ll come along shortly, but it takes almost three hours and more alcohol before you crawl into bed with me. Exhausted but grateful to have you in my arms, I answer truthfully when you ask what I want and that is to sleep, together. 

But you are offended, and somewhat drunk. You turn away, feeling turned down, and react furiously when I try to approach you. 

No, you yell, and once again start asking what you’re “doing wrong” and blaming me. I get the feeling you don’t really want an answer when you’re in this state, and frankly I don’t want to argue now. 

Within seconds you’re asleep, possibly remembering little about this situation in the morning. But now I am awake, being left to ponder what happened and if I could have done things differently. 

I probably could have given in to your sexual advances. But I was barely awake and by now you know how important sleeping is to me. And besides, if the tables were turned, would you appreciate being woken up for the sake of my lust? It takes two. 

I have communicated my wishes, explicitly. Yet it appears you want different things, then blame me and angrily say things like “this is why I want to divorce” and “tell this to our marriage counsellor”.  That’s not asking for better communication, it’s wanting me to change my wishes.