Beautiful

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when you always look the other way

Finding imperfections

with every living breath

feeding yourself deceit

every night as you lie in bed

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when you see only flaws in the diamond

and not the sparkle that it holds

You judge yourself with consequence

tearing down what nature built

and turning it into darkness cold

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when you don’t look into the mirror

save with tear-streaked eyes

How can you see yourself as I do

when you’re peering through a looking glass

warped by doubt and loathing

brewed within your mind

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when your beauty is just too much

and leaves me lost for words

choking on every thought

while trying to explain something so clear

that it is written all over your face

How can I show you

that you’re beautiful

when the world is not enough

and a million voices

fail to change your song

unable to silence

the doubt that beats away

No I can’t show you

that you’re beautiful

No matter how hard I try

But I’ll whisper it to you every night

as you drift off to sleep

and hope that one morning

you’ll wake up with eyes wide open

and see yourself as I do

A perfect diamond

A stunning reflection

and a ray of sun

piercing my own darkness

taking the clouds away

-- From: Raven's Rants (link).

On fire

Girl, you are driving me crazy -- in the best way possible.

You see, I think you're awesome. You're sweet, you're sexy, you're funny, you're kind... You're everything a Dragon could hope for.

Yet I am fearful to let myself go.

Do not think for a moment that I did not mean what I said -- I do. Do not think that I don't believe you -- I do.

It is hard for me to explain my anxiety without giving the wrong impression. It's not that I don't want you, but I think I fear to go too fast.

It is not long since last I had a girl, and I find myself craving love and intimacy. I also found myself projecting those on people that I shouldn't or wouldn't.

I fear, not for hurting myself, but for hurting you. By going too fast, by building on foundations that might not be as strong as I would like them to be.

I do want you. But I don't want it all, yet.

Does that make sense? Am I sounding bitter? I don't know. But I do know that you've turned my world upside down.

Baby, you're hot. And I'm on fire. Don't let me burn up all at once.

Over the border line

Borderline. A nice song by Madonna; a serious and tiring disorder for some people.

The sad part is that this "personality disorder" is not a grotesque, absurd thing that is entirely beyond other people's understanding; no, it is a disorder in which normal human emotions are magnified out of proportion. Everyone feels extreme emotions sometimes -- love, fear, anger -- but people with borderline do so every single waking moment. And they switch between the emotions instantly.

One moment a person is everything they've always wanted and more, and the next moment that same person is the devil incarnate and can't do anything right. This, of course, exhausts borderliners themselves, as well as their surroundings.

I feel great sympathy for people with borderline. Despite the fact that they sometimes drive me mad -- or, perhaps, because of it.

Right now, I am going through many emotions. Much like a borderliner, my emotions can change rapidly and are intense. I will not go into the situation that caused it (but don't be worried -- I'm fine, sort of) but what I feel is conflicting. I feel torn.

But unlike a borderliner, I often feel conflicting emotions at the same time. Anger, joy, love and repulsion -- it's all there. A paradox of feelings.

And I fear only time will tell which emotion will last the longest.