Love story

What is it with people, that we crave for corny happily-ever-after love stories?

Certainly the old Hollywood romances are unrealistic for most people, yet so many people cling to the conception that if only they meet the right person, everything will be alright. Not realizing (or simply ignoring) the fact that relationships require time and effort, they set high standards and are disappointed when potential partners do not live up to them.

I would love to say that I am above such things, but alas, I am not.

Even in my mind, I make lists of qualities, both relevant and unnecessary, that a woman should possess if she would want to be mine. Completely ignoring, of course, the list of qualities that I myself should possess if I want the relationship to be even remotely successful. The ego is funny like that.

Trying to be conscious of both lists is, in my view, a good way to set more realistic goals both for myself and any possible partner. I doubt that I will get rid of my internal high standards completely, but at least it's a start.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've some qualities to write down.

***

Wanted: Friendly female of the human species, age between 18 and 21, with stunning good looks. Clothes and brains optional. Send your picture to dragonwantsyou@yahoo.com (that's on the internet) and I might contact you by telephone for breathing heavily.

A good conversation

Hey, how are you? Nice to see you. Please, come in. No, don't be shy, make yourself comfortable. Yes, you can take off your shoes. Just sit down and relax.

Now, I haven't seen you around lately. I admit, I am to blame mostly for that; I don't regularly visit this place anymore. Despite my best intentions.

Did you know there are millions of blogs that don't get updated? Someone optimistically started some blog, for friends, work, special interest, or just because it was the thing to do at that moment. Now, years later, most blogs have never had a second posting and a lot are all but forgotten.

I do not want my blog to share that fate.

To be perfectly honest, not many people read my blog. That's fine; I am glad for every visitor. I am glad you are here, because it means I'm not alone in here. Although talking to oneself is not as bad as many people seem to think.

This blog is not about any special interest; not any one in particular, anyway. It's not some work-related information or a way to "connect" with the rest of the digital world. Basically, my blog is about one thing: me.

Apparently you are interested in me. Now, don't take that the wrong way. "Interested" does not necessarily mean "wanting a romantic or physical relationship". It merely means the things I write interest you in some way.

This could be that you find my writings insightful, my jokes funny, or my links useful. It could also be that you find my posts annoying and you keep visiting this place to either remind yourself why you find it annoying or you just keep waiting for something that you do like. Either way, my blog, and therefore I as a person, captivates you and makes you want to read on.

You've been reading all of this, right? That must mean something caught your interest. Or perhaps you're waiting to see if all this rambling will, at last, end and something truly interesting comes up.

Well, it doesn't get any better than this. Trust me. If you're bored, stop reading.

Honestly. Do stop reading. It's ok. Don't apologize; I will never know.

Still here?

Actually, there is something interesting at the end of this post. But I wanted to make sure the not-truly-interested people would be gone.

The interesting part is...

Drumroll please.

...the interesting part is that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Ever.

You just wasted your time reading the stuff that I wrote, while I don't even know what I'm saying. But apparently, it makes sense to you.

There is a fine line between brilliance and insanity, but also between knowing having no clue and knowing exactly what you mean. I'm on one side of the line, and you're on the other side.

Please, take me to your side. Enlighten me. Explain to me what I truly mean. Because I'm truly at a loss.

Whispering to brown eyes

Dearest,

You are cuter than a box of kittens,

Sweeter than chocolate-covered sweets,

Prettier than the fairest supermodel,

And hotter than the hottest sun.

.

What I like about you, though,

Is your special kind of charm.

Your wit, your high intelligence,

talking with you is intoxicating.

.

I know it might be

Frowned upon or strange,

But I just cannot help myself

When I look upon your face.

.

I know you're close to me, so close,

But I crave to have you closer.

To touch you, kiss you, hold you,

And never to let go.

.

I guess that we will never be,

But I dream it all the same.

I hope that we will sometime be

A couple, sharing dreams.

Lovely

Just being around her is intoxicating.

Love - the single most important reason for agony, deception and general suffering. Like a drug, it brings a piece of comfort yet keeps one craving ever more. A beautiful agony.

It is for love that a good guy like Anakin Skywalker turned to the Dark Side.

The Jedi knew the dangers of love, and hence they forbade attachments that could lead to it. Their reasoning was flawed, however, because from detachment comes a cold loneliness inside that, when an opportunity arises, clings to anyone who would give a Jedi a measure of attention. In effect, detachment leads to a greater chance of attachment.

And when someone as pretty and angelic as Padme shows up, it's hard to ignore the feelings that inevitably arise - particularly in a teenage boy.

Suppressing feelings will lead to an increase in such feelings. Detachment is therefore a near-impossible feat and cannot be expected of any person. That, more than any philosophical or practical thing, is what caused the Jedi Order to implode.

Ironically, love is what destroyed the Jedi, and what gave rise to the Sith - although in the end, love took back its rightful place on the side of the Skywalker family.

Beautiful

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when you always look the other way

Finding imperfections

with every living breath

feeding yourself deceit

every night as you lie in bed

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when you see only flaws in the diamond

and not the sparkle that it holds

You judge yourself with consequence

tearing down what nature built

and turning it into darkness cold

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when you don’t look into the mirror

save with tear-streaked eyes

How can you see yourself as I do

when you’re peering through a looking glass

warped by doubt and loathing

brewed within your mind

How can I show you

that you are beautiful

when your beauty is just too much

and leaves me lost for words

choking on every thought

while trying to explain something so clear

that it is written all over your face

How can I show you

that you’re beautiful

when the world is not enough

and a million voices

fail to change your song

unable to silence

the doubt that beats away

No I can’t show you

that you’re beautiful

No matter how hard I try

But I’ll whisper it to you every night

as you drift off to sleep

and hope that one morning

you’ll wake up with eyes wide open

and see yourself as I do

A perfect diamond

A stunning reflection

and a ray of sun

piercing my own darkness

taking the clouds away

-- From: Raven's Rants (link).

Ayo Technology

On fire

Girl, you are driving me crazy -- in the best way possible.

You see, I think you're awesome. You're sweet, you're sexy, you're funny, you're kind... You're everything a Dragon could hope for.

Yet I am fearful to let myself go.

Do not think for a moment that I did not mean what I said -- I do. Do not think that I don't believe you -- I do.

It is hard for me to explain my anxiety without giving the wrong impression. It's not that I don't want you, but I think I fear to go too fast.

It is not long since last I had a girl, and I find myself craving love and intimacy. I also found myself projecting those on people that I shouldn't or wouldn't.

I fear, not for hurting myself, but for hurting you. By going too fast, by building on foundations that might not be as strong as I would like them to be.

I do want you. But I don't want it all, yet.

Does that make sense? Am I sounding bitter? I don't know. But I do know that you've turned my world upside down.

Baby, you're hot. And I'm on fire. Don't let me burn up all at once.

Get outta my head

*burp*

Click it, dammit

Pong: The true story behind a classic videogame

Yes, it's worth clicking. Do it now. Otherwise, what's the point in reading this? That's it. Thank me later.

Aerosmith

Waves are calling

Today, I took a walk on the beach.

Since a few months I live quite near the sea and for some reason I hadn't gone there yet. I thought about doing so quite a few times, but it wasn't until today I really went.

I've always loved the beach and, more so, the sea. Since ancient times, the sea has meant freedom to many people. Some of the first human societies were sea-faring peoples. The sea brings food, prosperity and adventures.

Mankind's fascination with the sea is understandable. Weathering its many dangers, people can gain so much from the sea, despite the costs. She gives and she takes.

Some societies thought the sea was a godlike person. A god with a fish tail and a trident, or a powerful goddess. Perhaps that is why the sea attracts so many -- and also attracts me.

I am no sailer, no fisherman, and I don't think I ever will be. However, the sea is inviting and mesmerizing to me. I don't find her fair (not the North Sea, anyway) and she's often cold to me, but for some reason I feel a strong pull towards her. She's calling me, but I know not for what purpose.

Perhaps it is my sense of adventure, my need for freedom. When I am at the beach, all I want is the sound of crashing waves, the wind through my hair, and my eyes on the horizon. Moments like these, nothing else matters. A sense of the divine, perhaps -- or some form of "zen". Leave all earthly matters behind.

Eventually, of course, I must go back home. But always there remains a sense of wonder. Wondering at what the sea wants from me -- or perhaps wondering why I left her again. In my mind, her promise that she'll be waiting forever.

Every day, she sends her sea gulls to remind me of her.

Just a shame I don't like fish.

Over the border line

Borderline. A nice song by Madonna; a serious and tiring disorder for some people.

The sad part is that this "personality disorder" is not a grotesque, absurd thing that is entirely beyond other people's understanding; no, it is a disorder in which normal human emotions are magnified out of proportion. Everyone feels extreme emotions sometimes -- love, fear, anger -- but people with borderline do so every single waking moment. And they switch between the emotions instantly.

One moment a person is everything they've always wanted and more, and the next moment that same person is the devil incarnate and can't do anything right. This, of course, exhausts borderliners themselves, as well as their surroundings.

I feel great sympathy for people with borderline. Despite the fact that they sometimes drive me mad -- or, perhaps, because of it.

Right now, I am going through many emotions. Much like a borderliner, my emotions can change rapidly and are intense. I will not go into the situation that caused it (but don't be worried -- I'm fine, sort of) but what I feel is conflicting. I feel torn.

But unlike a borderliner, I often feel conflicting emotions at the same time. Anger, joy, love and repulsion -- it's all there. A paradox of feelings.

And I fear only time will tell which emotion will last the longest.

A night out

G'morning

I open my eyes. Despite the curtains, the room is well-lit by the early sunlight on the windows. Another day is here.

I groan as people on the radio talk too loudly for the time of day, and I know that the radio is my alarm clock. I take a look beside me and see you lying next to me, half awake. You look so magnificent; your soft hair slightly roughened up, your soft skin against my arm, your naked breasts finding their way from underneath the sheets, your gentle breathing against my shoulder.

Realizing I have some time before I need to get out of bed, I watch and adore you. With two fingers I slowly caress your skin, and you open your pretty brown eyes and look at me. You smile. "Good morning," you whisper, and I reply the same.

I don't ever want to get out of bed. I want to lie here next to you for days and weeks and months.

Six years later...

Today is September 11th, 2007. Six years ago, the unthinkable happened.

Six years later, even more unthinkable events have happened. The execution of Saddam Hussein. Tortures at Abu Graib. Countless soldiers and civilians killed. Privacy counts for naught. Human lives are discarded with only their close relatives to mourn them.

I ask you: What progress?

My Girl

My lady is like a dream
from which I never want to wake

Her hair dances in the wind
the fire is in her moves
the gentle flow of her love
keeps me down to earth

Never would I want to
hurt her, lose her, leave her
for she is and will forever be
my ladyfriend, my girl

She protects me
she encourages me
she stimulates me
she loves me

And I love her, of course
from the bottom of my
aching, scorchèd heart
I love her till it hurts.