Friendship

It's a word I use often, "friend". I consider quite a few people to be worthy enough of such a title and hope that they return that honor.

Funny thing, that stuff called friendship. Because what makes a friend a friend?

Certainly it is not merely helping you out if you're in trouble (parents often do the same) or sharing a laugh with (random strangers will suffice). And I hope friends are not the only people you grant favors to without expecting something in return within a short period of time.

So what is the substance that creates friendship? Certainly, it is a connection, a kinship, beyond any other. There is a genuine joy to see the other person happy, without envy or jealousy. It is delighting in seeing a friend grow, mentally, to blossom into the person they should or want to be. To fulfill their dreams is a like looking into a fractured mirror, and seeing a part of you being grateful. It is to live more than just your own life, but to live and enjoy through the eyes of friends and substantially increase the joy for everyone.

And of course, it is being there for someone when asked, and particularly when not asked. To be a friend, is to know when to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on. To pick them up gently, and whispering encouragement in their eyes when the road of life seems too rough. To give a friend the strength of mind, the self assurance, to walk on. Over the mountains, if need be.

A friend is a guide through life, who does not know the way any more than you do, but will help you go on anyway.

Spirit in you

Under your skin there's something beckoning
There's something that makes me believe in you
Behind your eyes, that where the sacred lies
You know I need to get through

Oh here I go again
Through the undergrowth again
Feel the earth move, the planets spin
But I can't get through

It's the spirit in you
It's the spirit in you
It's the spirit in you
That I want to find

I've seen your face, the one your mother made
Now let me see what makes your really move
I know you're scared, I know it's tender there
Just let me closer, let me get through

Oh here I go again
Through the undergrowth again
Feel the earth move, the planets spin
But I can't get through

It's the spirit in you
It's the spirit in you
It's the spirit in you
That I want to find

And when you make me feel
When you make me bleed
My lucky stars fall down on me
You know I need to know you
I need to see
I need to take a hold of what's underneath
So close your eyes, unlock your mind
Throw off the fear, and let us fly

Oh here I go again
Through the undergrowth again
Feel the earth move, the planets spin
But I can't get through

It's the spirit in you
It's the spirit in you
It's the spirit in you
That I want to find

~ Spirit in you, by Heather Nova

from the album "Glowstars"

Lovesexlovesexlovesex

Moment of fear

Today I had a rare moment of fear. Pure, instinctual fear.

Near the Dragon's lair, there is an open plain with beautiful flowers and wild birds and other animals. Including untamed horses.

Making my way around the path through the large plain where the nearly two dozen horses peacefully grazed, I gently made most of them slowly turn away from me. They are not fearful of me, but with the ponies they flanked, caution was their game.

Except for a particularly large stallion.

Now, in spite of what you may believe, the Dragon is not such a big creature. I stand just above the height of the average man. And I have no idea how this horse would react to me coming closer.

In fact, it didn't react. It just kept on grazing, right on the path I was trying to follow. It stubbornly turned its back on me, telling me it was in charge, and it did not fear me one bit.

When approaching slowly didn't work, I decided to go around it. It was only a few meters through the tall grass, after all.

This caught the large horse's attention. While completely in the tall grass, realizing all too well that it would be pretty much impossible to run away in this mess, the stallion decided to approach me instead.

I was scared. My heart beat loudly as I moved quicker, while still trying to appear calm.

Five meters away it was... four... three... was it two meters, those last moments? I honestly can't tell.

At last, I reached the path again, and the stallion ceased its approach. I was relieved, but didn't wait to walk the rest of the way home.

In hindsight, I suspect that the horse was just being curious and would not have come that close before being scared away. But with a large group of animals behind it (that's a lot of horsepower), I didn't want to scare it away, lest the whole herd would run this way and that -- that would have been much more dangerous indeed.

It was a moment in which my respect for nature grew. There was honest fear, but it was not a choking terror. It was an honest fear of a creature far larger and stronger than myself. In nature, that often is all the benefit you need -- and being alone, I did not have much of a benefit.

It was a rush, and I can't wait to go back tomorrow.

Trailers

Do watch the movie "Unthinkable" (trailer below). It's great.


Oh, and those next ones I really want to see...

Chained

Recently, I have had a conversation in which the topic of bondage came up.

Yes, I know. The Dragon has far more interesting conversations than you do. You need to get out more and meet people. People that want to talk about bondage with you. And perhaps even show you what it's all about.

I am not certain how I feel about bondage. Sure, like most people I have tried it somewhat, but only halfheartedly during puberty. What boy did not tie up his childhood sweetheart to the posts of his bed, with the sole intention of exploring her naked body without her hands keeping him away? Ah, to be young and not so innocent...

No, I do not mean that softcore bondage thing. I mean the real deal, getting chained to a tree on a deserted cemetary in the middle of a dark night, with only the sounds of crickets chirping, the clinking of the chains, and the breathing of you and your partner, to feel her hands on your naked stomach and her lips around your.. finger. That feeling of being helpless and putting your trust in that mysterious woman before you and her word that her dad the policeman won't be back in an hour.

I can imagine it, sure, but I cannot claim to have experienced it. And in all honesty, I'm not entirely sure if I would want to. Not without a girl I could and would trust completely, at least.

But then again, by imagining it, do I not experience it? I can even make it better or more exciting in my head. I can imagine the whole world watching as I am bound and naked while three girls (one blonde, one brunette and one redhead) kiss all my body parts and tickle my feet while shouting "spank us, master Dragon!" Yeah... in my head it would be so much better.

Interested? Send your nudie pictures to dragonwantsyou@yahoo.com and you might be allowed to do a private performance in my mind!

Dragon Soul Shared

Every now and again, visitors make their way here. Some wanted, some unwanted, most uninvited. Some stay for a while or even make a return visit, while others shrug and leave, never to visit again.

So be it.

This time I have invited someone. A girl. As you read this, she is probably going through the whole blog, visiting every place of my lair, discovering all the hidden chambers, peeking into the Dragon's very soul.
Of course she is not the first girl to visit the realm of the Dragon, and hopefully she will not be the last. But I am surprised to find that I enjoy the idea of her discovering things about me that virtually nobody knows.

That is not to say that this blog has all my 'secrets' revealed and exposed. But in a roundabout sort of way, a lot of it is.

Why, I wonder, does it feel so good to share one's all with another person? Is it a feeling of loneliness, or insecurity, or recognition? A little bit of those, I imagine, but there seems to be something else, something more, something deeper.

Couples are sometimes refered to as being 'one', and partners are called one's 'other half'. Perhaps it is a feeling of being incomplete without sharing everything with someone else? I don't know.

It doesn't feel like I am incomplete at the moment. And on a rational level it doesn't make any sense to share everything with another person (not to mention rather boring, eventually), but my emotions seem not so clear.

Alright, enough sharing of mine. Tell me about you and your secrets. Yes, especially those bedroom secrets...

Precious illusions

There be rules

Welcome back to the Dragon's lair. A treasure trove of twisted world views and dirty thoughts.

Beware the Dragon, who guards the ladies with tooth and claw from any knights in shiny armor. You can take the remaining pieces of those knights, though. If you can carry them.

The harem rooms are forbidden. Except if you're a delicious female wearing little more than pieces of string, obviously. Do bring your girlfriends.

Drinks can be found in the basement. Serve yourselves. Boys, you should try the green bottle with the big skull on the side. Girls, you should try the red bottle with lots of alcohol en sweetness. Kids, you should be home in bed.

The wardrobe is just down the hall. Again, this part is forbidden for male visitors. Any male visitor that accidently stumbles into rooms he's not supposed to go, will be punched, burned, fined, and thrown out -- not necessarily in that order.

Forbidden for cameras. Except for the ones owned by the Dragon, of course.

If -- when -- you hear screams, either screams of agony or screams of passion, you should:
- run back to the Dragon's bed if you're a woman;
- run away if you're not a woman;
- run into a wall if you're stupid;
- back away from the Dragon's bed if you're a guy.

These are the rules of the Dragon's lair. If you do not follow these rules, your continuing sanity and the non-burning of your eyes cannot be garanteed. And the women will smack you on the head.

So, do come in and have a drink.

Roleplaying

Yes, roleplaying.

Not the one with sex (although I'm pretty sure the limits are somewhat unclear, probably deliberately so). The one with actually playing the role of an otherwise nonexistant person.

What about this roleplaying, dear Dragon?

Well, it's fun. You should try it.

How, then, can you try this roleplaying business?

If you are a guy, find other guys that will probably like this. If you are an attractive girl, contact the Dragon for some fun.

In the latter case, fondness of dragons and an open mind are required. Clothing is optional.

Classics

Age is more than a number, apparently

Ah well. At least we've had fun on our date, yesterday.

What happened, you ask? I took her out to dinner and had a few drinks afterwards. I was thinking about going to the cinema, but it turned out she doesn't like movies much.

It was a pleasant evening. We had fun and we had somewhat serious conversation. But I just couldn't figure out what she was thinking; she was giving such ambivalent and unclear signs. Eventually I found out she "doesn't know" how she felt -- not the "I say I don't know but I really mean no" thing, but actually not knowing.

I do like her (and she knows). But the age thing is a bigger obstacle than I first imagined.

She's 18. I'm 27.

Now, I believe that this doesn't have to be a problem. But in this case, I think it is. Don't think me rude if I say this, but I feel she's still halfway into puberty. Which is fine (puberty is where most people find their identity) but doesn't exactly make for a stable relationship with a guy who's (for the most part) out of puberty for nearly a decade.

I think I'm going to go for friendship on this one. She's a nice girl and our conversation went so much smoother without the pressure.

Darn, I'll just have to keep looking for another cute girl. I hope The Powers That Be read this blog still.

A strange concept

My fellow blogger Chelsea raised the old "who am I" question on her blog (link).

It is a strange thing to ponder, this concept of 'me'. How does one define it? What makes one person different from another?

There is a part in a child's development where it learns that there is a difference between it and other people. It's fairly easy (and safe) to test with toddlers: Hide some object, let someone leave the room, hide the object somewhere else, let the person return, and ask where the person will start looking for the object. If the toddler points to the new hiding place, it has not grasped the concept of 'me versus you' (and therefore having a different knowledge of where to look for said object) yet. Most animals never get past this stage, although more do than you might think.

'Me' must be different from other people and from the world. Wherein lies that difference? What makes me 'me'?

Curiously, a person's character is not as consistent as is often thought. How one behaves or reacts changes, and it changes a lot. In fact, instead of thinking of ourselves as, for example, "being someone who enjoys cooking" does not make us cook more often, but rather it is the other way around. If someone cooks often, the mind makes up this idea that, apparently, they "are someone who enjoys cooking" (otherwise, why would they keep doing that?).

Confused yet?

Many scholars are now of the opinion that there is not, in fact, such a thing as 'free will'. What we perceive to be our own free will is, supposedly, merely a collection of genetics and experience that makes us act in one way or another.

If such a thing is true, can there truly be such a thing as 'me'?

I don't know; I don't have any answers. I just like the questions. (Or rather, I ask the questions a lot and therefore I think I like them.)

Perhaps there is no answer to this question. And perhaps there is no 'you' to ask it. But that makes this strange place called life an even more complicated, magical and wonderful thing.

The soundtrack of my current mood - with video!

A Dragon Tamed?

Alright, it appears The Powers That Be have heard or read my rant, earlier this week. The one about not having a girl I like fall in love with me.

It appears fate has send a very cute girl my way. And, miracles do happen, it seems she's into me, too. I haven't been this happy in years. I hardly remembered the feeling of butterflies, but I certainly remember now.

Alright, I might be getting ahead of myself. I've only met her once. And neither she or I have expressed our interest verbally, but some things are wordless.

Which brings me to my favorite part so far... We've got a date.

Yes, a date; that very American concept. I want to get to know her better; hell, I want to know everything about her! This dragon's maiden; this eagle girl. Cute and sweet and smart.

I know, I know. I could go on forever, but I'm sure it wouldn't be very interesting to you, dear reader. So let me just say... upsydaisy.

Why did I say that? I don't know. Don't blame me; I'm in love. :)

Nocturnal disturbances

Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand...

Alright, perhaps I've heard Thriller too many times, or read too many vampire novels. But I truly enjoy the night time. The quiet streets, the darkness draped like velvet across the landscape, the full moon a single watchful eye, the hushed movements of nocturnal animals... Night is a magical place.

It is therefore sad to notice that in a lot of places, this magical scene is disturbed. Bright artificial lights, noisy cars and loud music crash through the fragile darkness. Soon 'night' will be, for many people, just another time of day; no different from it's suntouched counterpart.

Will this be a bad thing, you ask? I believe it will, yes.

Even besides the fact that many animals that live at night will flee or die, and that people need some time and place to rest, the thing I consider to be worst, is the loss of magic, of mystery.

There is not enough magic in the world as it is.

Night is the most magical moment of any day. The expressions "things that go bump in the night" and "witching hour" are testimony that many mystique creatures awake and events happen between dusk and dawn. Full moon attracts werewolves, while vampires generally only come out when the sun can't find them. The darkness is equated with secrecy and danger.

Even if the danger are only creations of the mind, there is magic in the time of night. Reason, blessed though it is, rids the world of too many miracles already.

Let this dark mystery survive the age of reason and light.

Before time, before the light, there was darkness... and thus will it end.

Oops I did it again

Crap. I think I made this girl fall in love with me.

Don't get me wrong; I am pleased to know that I am, apparently, attractive in some way to a person of the opposite sex and of about the same age. That I am not cursed to stay alone for the rest of my lonely life, or something melodramatic like that.

No, I am not displeased to know that a girl has a crush on me. What I am displeased about, is that it is her. Not any of the ones I have some sort of interest in.

Some advice here, some good conversation, some innocent digital flirting (well, I thought it was innocent) and there she goes, head over heels. Declaring her love to some faunt she hardly knows.

Not that she is unkind or unpretty or even unfriendly. I like having her as a friend. But there is just none of the sweet fluffy love stuff, on my side of the story. Her jigsaw piece doesn't fit mine that way.

And no, I'm not a onenight guy. Yes, you were going to ask.

Drama queens

Shrink

My new rolemodel -- a.k.a. Charlie got pwned.

Na'vi sex?