I swear to you...

...I am no Jedi. Never have been.

I love. I hate. I mourn. I envy. I desire. I sicken.

I live.

How can anyone living a life that is not their own, look down upon others? Is it better to live according to rules that others have created? Rules that you're not even sure will work for the reason they were created for in the first place - like the strict rules for the Jedi?

To be Sith is to be living a full life, unbound by the silly chains those around us wish to force onto us. How can such a life be any lower than a life of servitude to an ancient Order without roots in reality?

Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

*

Top Ten: Crossover

What if things we take for granted were placed within the Star Wars universe? What would happen?

10. Imagine the look on Jabba's face as the first Burger King on the planet opened in his own backyard.

9. Yoda races across the Temple grounds on a tricycle, followed by a gang of squealing younglings on similar means of transportation.

8. Soon after his mechanical limbs have been added to his body, Darth Vader insists that his mask needs a hole for a straw to drink his Diet Coke.

7. Padmé gets awarded for "best crying scene" for the Holonet Oscars.

6. Mace Windu keeps losing the keys to his speeder, and keeps finding them on his bedstand.

5. While they are setting up a trap for Luke Skywalker, Jabba's cellphone starts ringing, spoiling the surprise.

4. Every half hour, C-3PO insists that "a fatal exception has occured. Please shut down any running programs and restart your droid".

3. Palpatine is revealed to have had an "intimate" relationship with an intern on the Senate.

2. Yoda features in a commercial for a fruit drink that is said to "greatly enhance your life expectancy".

1. A young Anakin is expelled from the Jedi Order for not taking down the posters of semi-naked Senators from his dormroom walls.

Ryan vs Dorkman 2

Remember this? Now watch this:
Ryan vs Dorkman. The ultimate in fanflics.


*
Edit: Today, Thursday March 15th, I received a mail I'd like to share with you, stating the following:
"Just wanted to let you know that Ryan and Dorkman, the makers of the ligthsaber duel you showed so much enthusiasm for, are going to be appearing in a live Q&A online this Sunday to talk about how they made the film and some of the visual effects techniques they were able to use on their low budget. It's starting at 7PM EST on March 18th and we'd love to have you come by or throw a shout out to the radio show. Thanks!

-Chris Hanel

Geekza - http://www.geekza.com"

Sadly, I'm busy this Sunday, but I wanted to share this with all of you. Enjoy it!

*

The Dork Tower

Veiled secrets

How many times have you watched Star Wars and thought, "what if..." - what if this had happened, or that had been different?

No, don't tell me.

I present to you... drumroll please... the Top Ten of Improbable Yet Not Impossible Alternative Truths of The Star Wars Galaxy...

10. Jar-Jar has been working for Sidious all along, actually being a spy called Jarren "Bad" Smimm.

9. Mace Windu has actually been fathered by Yoda, but sadly he did not inherit the green Master's sense of humour.

8. Throughout most of the saga, R2D2 stuggled with his hidden oil bath addiction.

7. If Ewoks are nurtured with the right vitamins, they turn out to be Wookiees.

6. Amongst the members of the Jedi Council it was a well-known secret that Master Ki-Adi-Mundi used muscle boosters, responsible for his large forehead.

5. Rather than using the Force, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader commonly communicated by text messages (and smoke signals on Tatooine).

4. Jabba the Hutt had tried several diets, but his dietitian swore his habit of eating large amounts of living creatures nullified any effect. Jabba naturally ate this dietitian and decided on an "I look better with slave girls in metal bikinis"-lifestyle.

3. Twi'leks are Nautolans who tore out all but two of their "tentacles".

2. The Millenium Falcon has been constructed, rather hastily, from the remains of several battle droids, two protocol droids, a captured ysalamir and half a Republic Cruiser - including its crew.

And finally, number 1: Darth Maul had a large collection of dark robes, because his hoods kept getting shredded by his horns.

Movie tip

Letters to the divine being

Some kids are scary. 'Nuff said.