Cats and dogs

Curse

Get paranoid

US troops in Iraq get new weaponry: Lightsabers

"It's great for cutting the bread, too," says private Killing Machine (pictured).

A quick guide to: Dark Ages

Step 1: Close all doors and windows of your home.

Step 2: Switch off all electric appliances.

Step 3: Lock yourself up in a closet.

Step 4: Scream.

Step 5: Wait. It could take a while before anyone finds you. Maybe ages. Dark ages.



In other news: President Bush has the right to read all my stuff. No matter if I never ever visit the United Bloody States of Bloody America.
Hi, George. Welcome to my blog.

Walking my pet droid...

Go and leave your oil mark already, Artoo.

And the children, too!

When I grow up, I want to be a psychopath.

Honestly. What better way to show appreciation to whatever entity that created you, than to prove the excellent quality of you by killing random strangers in the night and putting them on display for the whole world to see?

I do not, however, like war. War is ugly. Fights should be mann gegen mann, without a platoon of gun wielders to guard your back.

Survival of the fittest. Survival of the best.

I want to embody evolution. I want to hunt, make war, make love to many women, grow better, have lots of offspring... and then die fighting.


...nah. I like my life just fine. My name isn't Hannibal Lecter.

Testing...

Things I just don't get

What's the use of annoying advertising?

Why are racists never convinced some other race is superior to their own?

If we're all born naked, why do we need to wear clothes while dead?

What makes anyone think their opinion is so great, they need to kill anyone who disagrees?

If there is one god, why are there countless religions?

How come every religious person is convinced his belief is the only true one?

What's so civil about war, anyway?

I appreciate art as much as the next guy (probably more), but why does it influence us so?

Why are the best photographs either out of focus or badly lit?

Why do we insist on wearing clothes, when all we want is take them off of other people?

What the hell am I doing on this girl's chest? (Not that I'm complaining, mind you...)



In other news: I've started my new job in The Hague. I love it.

God is dead

... but why doesn't the world see it?

Yes, I am an atheist. God does not exist. God doesn't explain anything. And if there is a deity that created the entire galaxy, life, miracles and he can read all of our minds at the same time, I bet he wouldn't be very proud of all the complaining he hears.

So wear your heretic badge proudly and convince the people that religion should be abolished.

PS. Yes, this is the place to discuss religion.

"Anakin, Chancellor Bert is evil!"

"From my point of view, the world is evil!"

At last, we shall reveal ourselves to the world. At last, we shall have revenge.

World, beware. The galaxy's most feared bounty hunter and terrorist has returned, and he's coming for all of us. Especially bunnies.

Bert.

Evil incarnate.

Stay inside, lock your doors and windows, sacrifice your firstborn, pray to the gods, and keep the blue pill nearby.

He's coming. Half of the Marsians have already died.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.



Oh, and check out my cute new pet!

First Kiss

It started with a hug.

We turned to say good-bye,
Our faces too close to ignore.
The tension grew
As the distance shrank.
My mind raced with anticipation.
What should I do?
Lips closed, or dare open them?
As I first felt her gentle caress
Nothing could be sweeter.
The moment escalated,
Our passions took over.
Excitement consumed us
As embarrassment ensued.
Our teeth clanked;
What seemed so perfect
Now was so awkward.
We pulled away,
Her look was one of confusion.
What I did next
I will never forget.
I remembered the nursery rhyme,
"First is the worst,
Second's the best."
So I leaned back in,
And started all over.
A little experience was all I needed.

by Sean H. on Teen Ink

Fact 5

Fact 4

Fact 3

Fact 2

Fact 1

Hard Candy

Early morning

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,
He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,

That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.
He sang of far off places
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.

I stirred beneath the covers
Crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window
And crushed his fucking head.

I'm not a morning person.

New and improved

So here it is - my new and improved blog. You may have noticed the big logo thingy above. It's new.

I decided to upgrade to the new Blogger layout. How do you like it? Good? Not good? Let me know!

The only thing I'm not completely satisfied with is the width of this thing. It used to be broader. Anyone knows how to fix that?

Scout

A bitter cold wind swept across the deserted planes. The man was grateful for his padded clothing, protecting him against the grunt of the frosty climate. His beast, however, was not so lucky; growing up in a near-tropical forest some 1000 miles away never prepared it for the icy cold and he realized they had to find some shelter quickly.

At the foot of those hills there must be a place to spend the night, he thought. They had ridden all day and never saw any sign of life. They could risk retiring early.

Urging his lizard forward, they set off for the hills. Strange, he thought, I would have expected this place to be teeming with people if even half the rumors about its heroes were true. So far, all I had seen was a withered corpse a week ago.

Nearing the hills, his beast became increasingly nervous. Could it be there were people around? Peering around him, the man could not find a single sign of activity. No - there, in the corner of his eyes; gone before he could focus on it. Was there someone there, or was the white snow playing tricks on his perception?

Before he could convince himself of either possibility, the great dragon roared and the ground opened up underneath them. Both man and animal slid inside the great schasm, and everywhere there was snow and ice.

His clothes didn't help much against the cold now, with ice against both skin and cloth. There was not enough space to even shudder. Terror and unconsciousness overwhelmed him, and his mind chose the latter.

The last thing he heard before slipping away were laughing voices, mocking him.

Silly foreigner. Our lands are not conquered that easily.

*

The River

Book review: Talyn

A year ago, I was in the library browsing through the English section (which, considering it's a Dutch library, is not all that large). My attention turned towards a particular fantasy book, called Diplomacy of Wolves. It looked alright, but I was about to put it back on the shelf when a recommendation by Robin Hobb caught my eye. She's my favourite author and wrote that she was very impressed with both this book and its writer, Holly Lisle. I had never before heard the name, but thought, "What the hell, I'm not paying for it, anyway".

I read it. I was impressed. Really impressed.

Holly Lisle introduced her characters, made you get to know them, and then gradually released all hell upon them. Only once before had I become so caught up in a book, which was when I read Robin Hobb's.

The only downside was that Diplomacy of Wolves is the first part of a trilogy, and I never got my hands on its sequels. And then, about a month ago, I found Talyn in the bookshop, and naturally bought it. It's not part of the trilogy, but rather, it's a stand-alone story, completely seperate from her other books.

Being one among several books I bought that day, it lay on the shelf, unread, for quite some time. I guess I was afraid it wouldn't be as good as the other one. Until a couple of days I decided to start on it, and I did.

Now, I had visited Holly Lisle's website in the meantime, which has a big section on writing fiction, marking the importance of Characters, Conflict, and Never An Easy Way Out (which states, in the author's words, "if your hero creates a 'golly-gee save-the-day gimcrack' to solve his final problem at the end of your story, IT HAD BETTER NOT WORK!"). If ever you're looking for lessons on writing fiction, or even inspiration, I'm recommending her site.

Reading Talyn, I realized that even if I knew how she did it, the book was very enjoyable. At times, the book reminded me of Hobb, and at other times, it reminded me of a master of heroic fantasy, the late David Gemmell. Holly Lisle very quickly became my second favourite author (the first still being the brilliant Robin Hobb).

On the continent of Hyre, two great nations have been fighting a war for over 300 years; the large Eastil Kingdom, and the proud Tonk people, living in largely independent city-states called taaks. Over time, the two nations have come to several agreements, like the treatment of prisoners-of-war. Neither side is actually winning, but battles are lost or won.

Talyn is a female Tonk warrior in the magics division of Shields. In this battle, there are not just the physically fighting people (the Conventional warriors, wielding swords and shields and whatnot), but also the wielders of Magic. The Senders 'shoot' magic spells at their opponents, and Shielders try to prevent enemy spells from reaching them. Both sides have a Magics division.

But suddenly, peace has been negotiated; unwanted, confusing, disorganizing peace. Talyn, having sworn her life to the warrior saint, struggles to find a new life in this peace and in the process gets attracted to a foreign peace negotiator. He shows her a world beyond anything she ever knew...

I could say more about the plot, but then I'd spoil it. Suffice to say that this is the start of Talyn's trouble.

I read the book in about 2 days, which, considering it's got almost 600 pages, is quite remarkable. The reason is obviously the author's writing; it grips you by the throat, turns you into a mindless zombie, and won't let go until you've finished. Characters are very convincing and the plot is like a web being spun by some sort of puppet master. Conflict, in writer's terms, is everywhere. And in all honesty, I felt physically unwell during some of the scenes. That had never happened to me before, and speaks volumes of how much I was involved in this. Just thinking about re-reading it, sends shivers down my back.

In closing, I can say this is one of those books you just need to read. It's fantasy, but never have I seen fantasy been brought to life with such realism or harshness. Whoever said that science fiction and fantasy are "escapism", clearly never read this book. And they should. As do you.

Casual casualty

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

I am sad to announce that at 2.15 this Saturday morning, the truth has been shot dead during a violent riot. The circumstances that have lead up to this horrific deed are yet unknown, but police have allegedly arrested some 6 billion suspects. Their motives remain a mystery.

The truth, while often an untrustworthy ally, was admired by all as never being wrong. His life, though long, was full of obstacles and he was despised as often as loved. In the last few centuries, truth increasingly complained that people did not truly know him, but arrogantly misclaimed his acquaintance.

His friends and family mourn for him, and describe him as honest, friendly and sometimes a bit tough. He will be missed.

Send your condolences to his new home, the forever elusive DED.

Snatch

Another brick in the wall...

Undo-it-yourself anarchy

Anarchy is underrated.

More truly, anarchy is widely misunderstood. In popular belief, anarchy is a state of chaos; in actual political theory, anarchy is a belief in self-governing. A belief in which not leaders, but the people themselves wield the power. Everyone is equal to an anarchist.

Of course, that in itself reminds one of communism. And in a way it is very similar to communism, although communism focuses more on property that belongs to everyone. Anarchy, in general, tends to focus more on a system of government - and by that, it means no government apart from the people themselves.

Now, from this view stems the idea that anarchy is chaos. After all, if there are no leaders, how can the world remain calm and peaceful? Yet that is what anarchists believe. Without leadership, everyone is equal and nobody is allowed any acts of violence or crime against someone else - even if merely by a majority of the people. A democracy in its truest sense.

Yet communism failed. It failed, simply because they did not follow their own theory: "all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others," to quote George Orwell. Will anarchy, if ever formed in its original meaning, thrive where communism faltered?

My guess is, sadly, no. Because although people are equal in my view, they are also different. Not different as in more important or good or any other moral qualification; different in their opinions, skills, ideas, social interaction. The few will convince the many of their point of view in affairs, bringing about the end of true anarchy. Because in the end, people want to follow leaders. Leaders think for them, so they can spend their time doing other things.

And thus, mankind will forever keep hindering its own progress.

Happy birthday!

This blog just turned 1. Yep, that's right; it's been a year since I first started blogging on here. Isn't that amazing?


Cake for everyone!

...well, if you're willing to come get it. :)

About Myspacitopians

Horrible, hideous creatures inhabiting the small end of the galaxy Internets, in what is known as "MySpace." Their only allegiance is to the Grand Imperial (sic) "Tom," and they defend his name well. They mostly battle by taking pictures of themselves in mirrors (to blind their enemies at the crappiness), or by posting high pitched screechy music. They are obviously hated, universe over.

Don't believe me? Read this.

The Swamp

The Dragon In My Bed

Her jewelled eyes have grown dim, sightless,
Shadowed over by her wearying loss of hope.
Broad wings that were meant to soar, are heavy,
Unable to break free of gravity’s bond and chains.
She is caught, earthbound, and helpless now,
Within a deadly trap of her own soul’s making.

The shimmer of her armour, bright scaled defence,
Is grown ashen, and weakened from her sorrowful heart.
Her joyous song and call have become stilled, quiet,
Only whispered, broken cries of loneliness are her voice.
No trumpets clarion does she wish to sing out in this now,
Trumpets do not capture what feeling her heart knows.

The brightest tears of the mourning she-dragon,
Fall slowly, one by one, to shatter aloud;
Broken on the rocky floor of her grief, endless
Fragments reflecting what she has ne’er known.
Plink and crash, crystal shards scattered wide.

The long, graceful tail drags wearily, and low,
No longer steering her, in her misplaced art of flight.
She is curled in her cave, where gold, jewels are naught;
The greatest riches, love, are denied her always.
The warm sands she gathered for her dragonlings.
Lie flat, ever cold and empty, smooth, and inert.

Despite her deepest, most sweetly held dreams,
Defying her endless quest through the world.
Still no mate to fly her, and give a promise.
She’ll not know of twining neck, and wrapping wings.
She hears no other slumbering dragon’s breath.
Her lonely nest is forever more silent and empty.

The brightest tears of the mourning she-dragon,
Fall slowly, one by one, to shatter aloud;
Broken on the rocky floor of her grief, endless
Fragments reflecting what she has ne’er known.
Plink and crash, crystal shards scattered wide.

*

By Gwen Myer on Soul Food Cafe

Open to interpretation

Wrong message

A Jedi Lost

A man approached, his slow footsteps announcing his coming.

“Go away,” I said, without opening my eyes. “I’m becoming one with the Force.”

Did I sound mad? Good.

“My presence will not impede on the process, I assure you,” the stranger said with a deep, smooth voice.

“Have you been sent here to persuade me? Because you’ll be disappointed.”

He chuckled. “Far from it, Master Jedi. I was sent to kill you.”

“I don’t think I’ll need your help, thank you very much.” I hoped my words had the sound of nonchalance I did not feel.

“So it seems,” he replied dryly. “Mind if I join you?”

Polite as though his words were, he did not wait for an answer and sat down next to me on the ruin’s edge. Reluctantly I opened my eyes, blinking at the gloomy daylight, and beheld his face.

He’s handsome, I thought.

Why did that surprise me? What did I expect? Some hideous monster; a raving lunatic with a lump? The Dark Side is not a bodily infliction, after all. Yet for all my studies, I was not prepared to behold a real, living Sith Lord.

He was about the same age as me; a tall, muscular man, nearing the end of his prime. His skin was the colour of hot chocolate, a beautiful dark brown; features strong, yet gentle and open. His bald head was remarkably expressive and friendly; his broad smile charming and friendly. The stranger’s brown eyes, however, seemed oddly cold. Was there a burden behind those eyes, hidden behind a smile and good manners?

His black attire, a shape-hugging tunic partly covered by a long robe and hood, was remarkably similar to a Jedi’s. Strong hands lay open on his lap; he tried to make me feel comfortable, which strangely seemed to work. He smiled at me and met my eyes. I had to look away.

His words were like crystals; sparkling yet hard.

“I can’t say you’re making it hard on me, man. But as much as I fear disobeying my Master’s orders, I do not intend to kill you. You intrigue me.” His gaze followed mine across the valley and he sighed. “When you left it must’ve been a great loss for the Jedi Order.”

“Not that great a loss, I imagine,” I replied, shrugging. “I’ve now joined the ranks of the legendary Lost Jedi. A dubious honour. ‘Jac Eebra, previously a venerable Jedi Master, has sadly left the Order in search of his awaiting destiny,’ that’s what a Council representative said on Holonet. It was just a tiny announcement between the celebrity gossips. Sad, really. But as for how or why, I’m not telling you.”

“So be it.” Instead of expanding on the subject, he remained quiet. Possibly he thought I would start explaining if the silence grew, but I was not particularly inclined to. Instead I kept my gaze on the endless ruins in the Valley of the Dark Lords around us and thought about how this man could entrance me so. Must be the seduction of the Dark Side, which was terribly strong here on Korriban.

Yet the attraction I felt could not be denied; real or Force-fuelled, there was a soft warmth inside me when he, at last, turned towards me again and whispered conspiratorially in my ear,
“What is it that you want, boy? Really want? Truth? Love?”

“Do not mistake me for some naïve padawan,” I replied, trying to sound offended. Why did he call me ‘boy’? “Save your critique on the Jedi for the ignorant and wronged. I have no trouble with the Order or its principles.”

“If so, why did you leave?”

Curse his insight. “Personal differences.”

“Ah. Of course.” He smiled; a sly little grin. “Differences in opinions on how best to be a Jedi, I’m sure. I know you used to be something of a philosopher, pondering the Force and its ways. My guess would be that while studying and philosophizing, you realized you were not doing what you were supposed to be doing. You realized you were raised without questioning your standards, and you started to do so.”

I shook my head, smiling. “You are asking for my reasons, and I already told you I’m not telling.”

“Very well,” he said. “But whatever the reason, I want you to consider this: now that you no longer are a part of the Jedi Order, are you willing to look into other ways to use the Force?”

“You’re asking me how I feel about joining the Sith?” I asked, incredulous. I could not believe he was asking me, just like that. Somehow I had always imagined that Sith Lords tricked people into joining them. Apparently I was wrong.

“Actually, I did not say that. But I was getting there.”

I looked at him. He looked so very attractive.

“I –,” I started, and looked away. “I’m afraid I don’t feel much either way.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Pardon me?”

I sighed. Get this over with, then. “Several years ago, a padawan turned to the Dark Side. I killed him, but only after he had killed his master.”

He nodded, but remained silent.

“After the incident, I searched my feelings, but found none. At first, I thought I had found peace in their fates, but gradually, I realized it wasn’t quite like that. In fact, I couldn’t remember a time when I did have any emotions. No mourning, no anger, no jealousy – no love.” I looked up at him. “The Order raises us to have no attachments, but also no emotions. There was an emptiness inside me that was destroying me.”

“That’s when you decided to leave the Order.”

“Actually, it took me more than three standard years to figure it out, but by then I had made up my mind and not even the Council could talk me out of it.”

“Every child eventually leaves his parents’ house to make a home for himself,” the dark stranger said, and somehow his words were exactly what I needed to hear. Understanding. “To be Sith is to be living a full life, unbound by the silly chains those around us wish to force onto us. How can such a life be any lower than a life of servitude to an ancient Order without roots in reality?” He looked at me and almost whispered. “Not unlike the Jedi, the Sith live by a credo: Peace is a lie; there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”

I looked at him, and the Sith, with new eyes. A full life, without other people telling me what to do – and all it took was passion. The thought was quite hopeful.

He went on. “I seem to find myself in a similar position as you were in. You see, I am my Master’s apprentice only in name; he has taught me everything. Therefore he has sent me to kill you, so I can become a true Sith Lord. However, he and I both know it does not work that way. My true task, if I am to become a Master, is to kill him.” A rueful smile. “Through victory, my chains are broken.”

I was speechless. Did this man just admit his desire to kill a man?

“My Master, Darth Hssiss, has sent two bounty hunters after us; surely you must’ve felt their presence by now. They’re probably instructed to kill us as soon as we leave this spot.”

I did sense two individuals, just out of reach of any ordinary senses, lurking in the shadows. What intrigued me more, though, was the name of the stranger’s Master; this Darth Hssiss. This was getting more interesting by the minute.

“So what does this have to do with me,” I asked casually. “I mean, are you asking me to distract those bounty hunters or anything?”

I already knew the answer, but I wanted to hear him say it.

“You’d be my apprentice.”

I grinned. “I don’t suppose I can think about it for a couple of days?”


The dream, though each time subtly different, always followed a certain pattern. From the shadows of a dead empire, a great black one-eyed beast emerged, filled with hatred and anger. The beast was a dark side dragon, commonly known as hssiss, and it was strong with the Dark Side of the Force. Every time I slept, I dreamed of facing off with the beast, but every time, neither of us won or lost.

An eternal, nocturnal struggle.



For several long years had I asked Jedi Masters for an explanation of this dream, and the answers were always the same: Train yourself to let go of those you fear to lose; be prepared to face the darkness in yourself. Gradually, I realized I would not find answers amongst those who looked to the past rather than to the present or the future for wisdom.

I had committed the dream to my own ruthless logic, and dissected it into smaller, understandable parts. I found out that the fear I felt upon waking was 63% fear of dying, 3% fear for those around me, 5% fear of the Dark Side, and 29% fear of the unknown. Approximately.

The fear of dying was, in essence, a denial of the very teachings of the Jedi – there is no death, only the Force. However, it would not go away. The fear of the unknown, on the other hand, could be faced. After years of considering, it was a logical step to confront this fear by leaving the Jedi.

Dissecting the dream had felt good; the dark realm of night would not stand against the brightness of cold, hard logic. But yet, I felt something was just beyond my grasp; as if I was trying to catch smoke with my bare hands…

Days after leaving the Order, I decided to go to Korriban. Hssiss were common on several planets, but for some reason Korriban felt right. The fact that it was home to the ruins of the ancient Sith Empire seemed to enhance that feeling – a monument to a grand rebellion against the arrogant Jedi Order.



Fooling two simpleminded bounty hunters was easy even for a padawan, but my new companion showed me how to do it like a Sith; he used something akin to a mind trick to let one fear the dark. On Korriban, where the sun was about to set and shadows grew longer, there were dark places everywhere. It was mildly amusing to hear his terrified screams in the distance.

In an attempt to gain the Sith’s trust, I used the Force to increase the other bounty hunter’s blood pressure until he fainted. My newly acquired Master, who went by the name of Darth Nyx, seemed pleased with my achievement. Unbeknownst to him, I made sure the victim’s blood pressure would drop soon after we left.

This Lord Hssiss, I pondered, had to have something to do with the dreams I’d been having for the last five years or so. It was entirely possible that he was even the Sith Lord that had lured Li, the padawan, to the Dark Side, but those thoughts I kept to myself. For now it was best to let Nyx think that I was doing this for him and me alone.



Getting to the place where Darth Hssiss waited for the return of either his apprentice or the bounty hunters required a long and hazardous walk through and over many ruins of the old Sith dynasty. It was a slow journey and Darth Nyx and I spoke only when we did not need to concentrate much.

He told me about the Force and how the Dark Side had given him so much, but at a terrible prize. For every scrap of knowledge, his Master had made him suffer. “He always said it was better to learn something first hand, to realize the power of what you’re doing. Many nights I spent in agony, building the power I now possess.” He shook his head, his eyes cast down as he seemed to remember far too much of it. “It was necessary, yet now abundant.”

Before he could tell me more, Nyx pointed towards the second largest building in sight and said, “That’s the place.” It was a largely intact structure, built into the rocky mountain wall, with two massive statues in front of it; one an apparent Sith warrior, the other damaged beyond recognition. Their shadows fell over the entrance of the enormous building; a ridiculously large gate with damaged decorations of frightening beasts and muscular warriors. The decorations on the structure had largely been eroded away by the elements, but the building itself was on of the few to have weathered the centuries. Inside we went.

We walked in silence through a maze of dark corridors and empty halls, the sound of our echoed footsteps moving along with us, until at last we reached a grand hall. It was dimly illuminated by the last rays of the sun through slits in the high ceiling. There, in between two enormous pillars, stood a simple chair and some basic equipment making up a makeshift camp. In front of the chair stood a thin, black clad figure. Nyx and I approached him cautiously.

Lord Hssiss was a pale old man with piercing red eyes – no, eye; his face had a scar where once his left eye had been. The scar was almost as white as his skin, indicating that it was an old injury. Perhaps the padawan had done some damage before his turning, I thought with grim satisfaction.

It took me several moments to notice that, in fact, most of the Sith Lord’s left arm was missing, too. He used the Force to grip his lightsaber hilt and simultaneously mimic the shape of an arm inside the sleeve of his robe.

“You foolish little sand sloth,” the old dragon hissed. “How dare you return with your target unharmed?”

His words, enhanced by a strong hatred conveyed through the Force, were like poison running through my veins. This was a Sith like the Jedi had spoken of; a twisted mind of death and destruction. The meaning of my dreams became clear instantly; this was the opponent I must face.

“I return with a prize beyond your comprehension, my Master,” Nyx spoke, emphasizing the last words with dripping sarcasm. “The future of the Sith have I brought.”

Apart from smiling the tiniest of smiles, Lord Hssiss did not move. “The future looks rather boring, I must say. Please tell me you’re not considering this bantha fodder worthy of the Sith legacy.”

“I am,” Nyx said, and for some reason I felt proud. I hadn’t felt like that for years. It was a good feeling, unrestricted by Jedi rules. How could I have believed those silly rules for so long? Ridiculous chains, they were just holding me back.

“Doom on us all, then.” The old Sith Lord moved before the words had crossed his lips. Despite his old and stiff appearance, he moved swiftly and efficiently. I barely had time to switch on my lightsaber before his first strike came.

This was going to be more difficult than I had hoped for.



The Hssiss made quick movements, trying to force an opening in my defences. His fangs and claws came from all sides and all dimension – the Force itself seemed against me as all my usual grace fell to the dusty floor. Teeth gritted, I fought the war I had waged for countless nights. This time, though, a radiant darkness fought at my side, whispering.

“Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”



The fight was long; Lord Hssiss was very skilled with a lightsaber. His technique was excellent, and his constant attacks through the Force were very unsettling. We fought at equal levels, and rather than letting the Force dictate my moves, I learned how to direct it myself.

Eventually, Nyx and I gained the upper hand. My new Master whispered instructions, making me strong with the Dark Side. Thoughts about defeating the entire Sith Order were pushed aside, so as to better achieve the power required to defeat the evil Sith Lord. With every blow, I gained strength; with every bit of hatred, I gained ground on the old man.

I’m winning.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, a blinding pain shot through my legs. I found myself on the dusty floors with my eyes closed, screaming in agony. My legs were gone!

“You have fought well, my apprentice,” Darth Nyx spoke gently.

Fought well? I bloody lost my legs!

“Thank you, Master,” Lord Hssiss replied. Master? Through blinding pain and overwhelming confusion, I struggled to look up and saw the two Sith Lords kissing each other’s lips. What twisted pair is this?

Nyx looked down at me, the sympathy in his eyes replaced by cold hatred. “It seems you do feel emotions, boy. And your wish of becoming one with the Force will be granted.” He faced his apprentice once more, kissed him, and spoke, “His death will be only the beginning. The Sith will become so powerful that no-one will ever be able to stop us.” His gaze swung back to me, hatred and anger giving his eyes a crazed fire. “Your precious Jedi, along with the corrupted Republic, will fall!”

“Wait,” I screamed, “I thought you said you wouldn’t kill me!”

Nyx grinned coldly. “Hardly a promise. But I won’t kill you, boy. That honour falls to my apprentice – my real apprentice.”

A savagely grinning Lord Hssiss stepped forward, raising his scarlet lightsaber high above his head.



The great beast loomed over me, bloodlust in his red eye. His claw came down, blinding me with pain and anguish. “Deception is the way of the Sith,” the shadow whispered. “Peace is a lie. Through victory, his chains are broken. The Force will free you both.”

The Force seemed to wrap my conscience into itself; a safe haven, pain barely detectable. It whispered wordlessly to me, urging to let go; to become one with that great current of all living things. I smiled; a thing I was not even sure was physical. Emotions had come to me, after all. In their own twisted way, the Sith had done the will of the Force and had set me free.

One last tug of the Force and everything else fell away. I was free.


**

Dragonology

The Dragon is this:

Great, small, terrifying, comforting, dangerous, safe.

Man is this:

Servant, master, disciple, nemesis, fellow, contrast.

How is it that one can adore the other, yet shuns all recognition? Dragon and man are archenemies, yet they are one and the same. The hunter is the prey is the beast is the dragon is the man.

What is their tale but an elaborate theater to dazzle bystanders with smoke and fire?

Man created the Dragon and dragon created man. The man fears and worries and crumbles, and the Dragon makes it so. Man is defined by the Dragon, as the Dragon is defined by man.

Man and Dragon are two sides of a coin. But Dragon and woman, on the other hand...

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Seduction of the Dark Side

The Dark Side is sexy. Admit it. Who doesn't love a bad girl or boy? It's exciting, dangerous, rebellious; it makes you feel different and special.

Darkness itself is sexy, too - mysterious, shady, obscure. Unpleasantries are hidden in the dark. One only sees what they want to see. Attraction.

And then, of course, there is The Darkness. No, not the band - the Darkness. The power of chaos and creation. A force older than mankind, older than the universe itself. A dark and powerful ally or enemy. Nothing is impossible for the Darkness. Cunning, goodlooking, violent.

What is this Darkness I speak of? Simple: the power that runs in the blood of the Estacado's. A terrible power - and strong ally when controlled.

Click.

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Read my latest fanfic

I've competed in the FanFiction Challenge 2007, and here's my entry. Check it out!

And don't forget to vote for me! :)

I swear to you...

...I am no Jedi. Never have been.

I love. I hate. I mourn. I envy. I desire. I sicken.

I live.

How can anyone living a life that is not their own, look down upon others? Is it better to live according to rules that others have created? Rules that you're not even sure will work for the reason they were created for in the first place - like the strict rules for the Jedi?

To be Sith is to be living a full life, unbound by the silly chains those around us wish to force onto us. How can such a life be any lower than a life of servitude to an ancient Order without roots in reality?

Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.

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Top Ten: Crossover

What if things we take for granted were placed within the Star Wars universe? What would happen?

10. Imagine the look on Jabba's face as the first Burger King on the planet opened in his own backyard.

9. Yoda races across the Temple grounds on a tricycle, followed by a gang of squealing younglings on similar means of transportation.

8. Soon after his mechanical limbs have been added to his body, Darth Vader insists that his mask needs a hole for a straw to drink his Diet Coke.

7. Padmé gets awarded for "best crying scene" for the Holonet Oscars.

6. Mace Windu keeps losing the keys to his speeder, and keeps finding them on his bedstand.

5. While they are setting up a trap for Luke Skywalker, Jabba's cellphone starts ringing, spoiling the surprise.

4. Every half hour, C-3PO insists that "a fatal exception has occured. Please shut down any running programs and restart your droid".

3. Palpatine is revealed to have had an "intimate" relationship with an intern on the Senate.

2. Yoda features in a commercial for a fruit drink that is said to "greatly enhance your life expectancy".

1. A young Anakin is expelled from the Jedi Order for not taking down the posters of semi-naked Senators from his dormroom walls.

Ryan vs Dorkman 2

Remember this? Now watch this:
Ryan vs Dorkman. The ultimate in fanflics.


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Edit: Today, Thursday March 15th, I received a mail I'd like to share with you, stating the following:
"Just wanted to let you know that Ryan and Dorkman, the makers of the ligthsaber duel you showed so much enthusiasm for, are going to be appearing in a live Q&A online this Sunday to talk about how they made the film and some of the visual effects techniques they were able to use on their low budget. It's starting at 7PM EST on March 18th and we'd love to have you come by or throw a shout out to the radio show. Thanks!

-Chris Hanel

Geekza - http://www.geekza.com"

Sadly, I'm busy this Sunday, but I wanted to share this with all of you. Enjoy it!

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The Dork Tower

Veiled secrets

How many times have you watched Star Wars and thought, "what if..." - what if this had happened, or that had been different?

No, don't tell me.

I present to you... drumroll please... the Top Ten of Improbable Yet Not Impossible Alternative Truths of The Star Wars Galaxy...

10. Jar-Jar has been working for Sidious all along, actually being a spy called Jarren "Bad" Smimm.

9. Mace Windu has actually been fathered by Yoda, but sadly he did not inherit the green Master's sense of humour.

8. Throughout most of the saga, R2D2 stuggled with his hidden oil bath addiction.

7. If Ewoks are nurtured with the right vitamins, they turn out to be Wookiees.

6. Amongst the members of the Jedi Council it was a well-known secret that Master Ki-Adi-Mundi used muscle boosters, responsible for his large forehead.

5. Rather than using the Force, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader commonly communicated by text messages (and smoke signals on Tatooine).

4. Jabba the Hutt had tried several diets, but his dietitian swore his habit of eating large amounts of living creatures nullified any effect. Jabba naturally ate this dietitian and decided on an "I look better with slave girls in metal bikinis"-lifestyle.

3. Twi'leks are Nautolans who tore out all but two of their "tentacles".

2. The Millenium Falcon has been constructed, rather hastily, from the remains of several battle droids, two protocol droids, a captured ysalamir and half a Republic Cruiser - including its crew.

And finally, number 1: Darth Maul had a large collection of dark robes, because his hoods kept getting shredded by his horns.

Movie tip

Letters to the divine being

Some kids are scary. 'Nuff said.

Par tay in the cantina

Strike back

That's right, it's Jay and Silent Bob.

On my blog.

I guess you must be wondering, "why, DF, why?" Well, it's quite simple really. Very, very simple.

But I'm not going to tell you.

Have you ever seen Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back? No? You should.

But get high first. That way you'll enjoy it, your dealer will enjoy it, and in the end, your addiction will have to be treated by a professional, who'll also enjoy it.

Plus of course the maker and producer of the film, the film company guys, the actors, the cameramen, the stuntcrew (they had stuntguys? for what?), and generally everyone else in the world will benefit, since your acceptance of cannabis has such influences on other people that they will smoke it too, and everyone will be cool and relaxed and not make war, but probably won't make love either - I'm not gonna explain, just listen.

Oh, and the reason I posted these guys? 'Cause they're cool. And 'cause I wanna.

No, not because I got high. Honestly.

Honestly!

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Your own personal evil

I hope you all had a nice Valentine; mine certainly was.

Today I'd like to discuss "evil". Evil is bad, wrong, corrupt, rotten - right? Everybody seems to know, instinctively or by learning, what evil is, yet when one tries to define it, one can't. Evil is different for different people.

Evil, like good, is a point of view.

One person's death is another's bread, says a Dutch proverb and while this is obviously the case for undertakers, it's still true on a less morbid level. One sport team's defeat is another's victory. Granted, that defeat might not be "evil", but how about a war?

The majority of soldiers see the enemy as evil. Of course this is a necessity, for you can't fight someone you like and agree with, but the majority of the population sees the enemy as evil and wrong, too. There is an automatic response of interpreting one's own values as better and more noble. The misguided emotion known as "patriotism" is one form of this; people who voice their disagreements are seen as traitors to the country.

However, they can't all be right. How can both sides to an argument, to a war, be "right"? At least one of them is wrong, and probably both of them. Plus, there is the very real possibility that there is no right or wrong.

Like "wrong" is defined by "right", so is "evil" defined by "good". Evil begins where good ends; without evil there is no good. Evil needs good.

And good needs evil.

This view is symbolized by the yin and yang: one half is white and one half is black. They define each other. Eastern philosophy acknowledges the fact that evil cannot be exterminated - not without eliminating good. Without evil, there is no good - without the Dark Side there would not be a Light Side; without villains there are no heroes; without night there is no day.

Yet ironically, evil and good are points of view, and therefore they do not exist in reality. Don't get fooled by the zealous religious: evil is all inside our heads. And it needs goodness in there, too.

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Soapblogs politics

Politics again - I swear it won't be boring. Well, I'll try.

Politics. What do you envision? A room filled with old men in grey suits talking and discussing? Young people locked in an epic battle of words? Puppets that dance for money? Leaders that decide how we should live our lives?

Regardless of where you live, there will always be politicians. Some of them cruel and selfish - we call them either "dictators" or "corrupt" - and some of them dedicated and selfless - we call them either "good" or "naive". Some will be self-appointed, others elected democratically. Some will be good and tactical, others blunt and offensive; some will do what the people want, some will do what the people need, and others will do whatever the hell they want.

Life is politics. Better learn it.

Democracy is said to be the best form of government, and I have a slight tendency to agree. Slight, yes. Because what democracy is currently coupled with is bureaucracy and layer upon layer of government agencies and endless debates over small matters.

Democracy is not these things. Democracy means the people have the power - literally. Like I argued in my last political blog, this power is entrusted to a small group of people expected to wield it in the best interest of all. That is what democracy, in its core, is.

What has happened over the centuries in most democratic countries, though, is that an increasing amount of people are represented by the same, unchanged amount of politicians, and an increasing amount of people do not feel represented by those politicians. This also works the other way: increasingly, politicians are forced to promote themselves and their sometimes impopular policies to the people, and pass popular laws that are not necessarily in the best interest of people. After all, the masses do not always know what is best - it's not their job, they're just the people who have put the government in charge.

People do not feel represented or even taken seriously by their governments. I feel this is because there are too many layers of government and that too few views are communicated to the audience through multimedia. Many political parties are rarely talked about on tv - intentional or not - whereas others are regular guests.

Governments should be more local than (inter)national and should be able to communicate directly with its people, as well as get things done quickly. Like the milkman regularly comes by to deliver his milk, so the politician should regularly come by to communicate about local issues. A small community with similar thoughts on matters - a hippy community, or a racist community, or a communist community, or even an anarchistic community. Likeminded people, with no need for debates in which neither side will ever give in.

Or, we could just create everyone equal using genetic engineering. And create a thought police to guard any rebel thoughts and use video surveallance cameras called "big brother" to watch you.

Hey, too much democracy can lead to a totalitarian regime. A people's regime.

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Another shocking SW revelation!